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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

The Mess That Was My Summer Fling

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UCLA chapter.

Books and movies always fantasize summer flings. The romantic long walks on the beach, the carefree attitude and slowly falling in love. This may be the case for many people, but not for all. After months of being single, I started seeing this guy and it was exciting at first. I was always happy to see him, loved having him around and he was a great listener, but something felt off. I knew what the problem was immediately – I did not have strong romantic feelings for him. I simply enjoyed the consistent male attention from one person. After my realization, we agreed to be friends with benefits even though our summer was spent in different countries. In other words, I was getting myself into a rather sticky situation.

After weeks of texting and facetiming over the summer, my nonexistent feelings for him still had not changed. Technically we were having a fling, but would it be a fling when we were not together in person? What were we? We were not dating. We were not sleeping together. We were not friends. Personally, I love boundaries and I like structure. This situation made me feel uncomfortable and uneasy, which led to a lot of overthinking. What is going to happen when we are back at school? How will our mutual friends react? Am I developing a sense of obligation towards this boy? I decided to do something I have never done before, and that is going with the flow. I simply allowed time to unfold this random chapter in my life. 

Yet, as the summer neared he became attached to me and that feeling was not mutual. We hung out a few times in the beginning of the quarter and he developed feelings. I told him we should stop our friends with benefits fling, and he said no and that he could contain his emotions. Obviously that did not work out. As time went on, I started dreading texting him, seeing him and even hearing about him. For some strange reason I felt annoyed when he was around. This was not how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be fun and lighthearted. I made a mistake and I had to fix it.

My messy, weird fling did not really have an end. If anything, we had our moments of being friends like texting each other good luck on exams, but we never really sat down or acknowledged our thing was over. Honestly, that was fine by me. Now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can focus on other things in my life. It was not until recently that I realized how much this situation consumed me. Basically, if you want to start a fling or friends with benefits make sure you have your intentions and boundaries in check and always have an open line of communication. Also, do not make my mistake and please trust your gut because it will save you a lot of emotional energy and invested time.

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