Up until this January, journaling was one of those hobbies I always wanted to get into, but never quite could. I know I can’t be the only person who walked into a store, saw a super cute journal, impulse bought it, wrote in it for maybe 3 nights and simply proceeded to never pick it up again. Then, one sunny day back in January, I once again could not resist the appeal of a fresh, 256 page, glittery gold bullet journal- so I bought it! This time, instead of adding it to the graveyard of empty journals on my shelf, I continued to pick it up regularly to uncover a new, loving perspective on myself.
This much more forgiving intention set the stage for me to see my journal as a space of forgiveness, which had been a long overdue space I needed. As a person who struggles with anxiety, my thoughts tend to be quite harsh on myself, dwelling on every decision I make. Instead of allowing those thoughts and feelings to surface, I suppressed them. But unfortunately, ignoring them doesn’t make them magically disappear; they need to be processed and heard.
Thus, as I began to discuss my day in my journal, I noticed that my irrational thoughts were just that: irrational. On paper, all the embarrassing or intimidating moments that seemed so significant in the grand scheme of my life shrunk down to their actual size. Simultaneously, I felt this separation from myself begin to manifest. As the irrational, anxious Mariah vented, the thoughtful and compassionate Mariah was there to soothe her [anxious Mariah], letting her know that skipping a class because she was too sick would not be the bane of her academic career. Just as I would talk to and encourage any of my other friends, I began to treat myself in that same manner.
The process of reflecting on your entire day also forces you to recognize your accomplishments and what did bring you happiness, even on days where nothing seemed to go right. Many of us have the tendency to focus on the negative and forget the wonderful moments in our lives, but I’ve found that writing them down helps solidify them. So maybe you didn’t finish all your readings, but you got out of bed. Or maybe you made yourself a meal, maybe you took some time to catch up with a loved one and those are worthy of being celebrated!
Of course, I still find it hard to believe that everything will be ok sometimes, but just by forming that habit of comforting myself, writing affirmations, reminding myself of all that’s good in my life and re-examining situations from a positive perspective, I have allowed myself to feel more at peace with my decisions. Journaling helped me realize that I’m human, and my value is not defined by the mistakes I make.
Even though you may feel as though you don’t have anyone else to talk to, you can become your own friend who gives a reliable source of comfort in your times of need (as strange as that may sound). That being said, it is perfectly okay and healthy to talk to others about what you are feeling; even though I journal often, I still feel the need to reach out to talk to others! But we all need to build a relationship with ourselves that is healthy, communicative and caring to better understand just what magnificent beings we are. So dig up those empty journals you never filled or treat yourself to a new one, and show yourself some love!