My anxiety sky-rocketed during my senior year of high school. I became quiet, doubtful, afraid and angry. I lost hope and joy. I became so invested in how everything sucked, how there was no solution, how my life was simply stuck. I accepted it. Change was not possible. And that’s why I suffered. That’s why I cradled into isolation, letting go of some of my most important relationships while straining others. I threw out my hobbies because they grew irrelevant and didn’t stimulate me. I was convinced that was it. That was my life, and there was nothing more to it. What other people had to say was out of an entire misunderstanding of what I was actually feeling. There was no hope.
And it is so easy to convince yourself of that… it is convenient to accept a condition and grow reluctant to fix it. Why even bother trying to work out a situation that you believe has no solution? And that exact mentality– that exact acceptance joined by reluctance– threw me into hell. Suffering that didn’t need to be there.
It is too convenient. It is too easy.
And then I became frustrated. I became frustrated with life. I was frustrated with how stubborn I was being and how easily I was throwing my life away. I was letting this stupid little feeling, this stupid, stupid thing- anxiety- control me. Who have I become?
The moment I took action, and was persistent, was when things started to move… things started to change. Was it easy? Of course not. Was it immediate? Absolutely not. Was it relieving? Extremely.
Keep in mind: anxiety takes a plethora of mediums and types. All of our triggers are different. It peaks at different times. They are so different. This is my story. This is my experience. I am just here to share, in hopes that it can help at least one person. Just one.
1. I came to terms with how I was feeling.
Sounds obvious, sure. But it was the last thing I was doing… The moment I sat down, took a deep breath, and asked myself, how are you feeling, and why are you feeling this way, was when I was able to help myself. Pushing everything under the rug was convenient, so that’s what I did. Heart racing? Hands sweating? I just knew it was normal and did nothing about it. This was my life. But the next time my hands began to sweat or I grew frustrated or afraid, I stopped myself. I questioned what just happened, what did I just engage in, who did I just speak to, what did I just see, what did I just throw under the rug, that could have triggered this feeling?
The more we let something [a problem] sit, the greater it becomes. Procrastination– we avoid studying for so long that we have so much to fit into one night. Stress skyrockets and material triples. Emotions. We bottle them up to the point where we might just explode. Problems left untouched become explosive. Anxiety is no different. Your feelings are no different.
2. I pointed the finger.
I pointed the finger at it as firmly as I could at what was causing this sudden feeling, at the trigger. If a certain space made me anxious due to how crowded it was, I pointed my finger at that crowd. You, crowd, are making me anxious. You are doing this because there are a ton of people here and I don’t like it. So, I’m going to get rid of you. I am going to release you. You have to rise above what is making you feel low. Or else, you will continue to be on the bottom while anxiety rises to the top. Defeat only comes once we are strong enough to be the winner.
3. I released the trigger.
Once I was able to spot the trigger, I released it. Back to the crowd: I will imagine myself releasing you from my mind. That’s it. I did this through guided meditations found on Youtube, where you think about the one thing that is making you uneasy, and imagine yourself releasing it. This can either be by confronting the trigger, removing your attention from the trigger (consistently), or defeating the trigger. For example, this summer I found myself getting anxious again. I didn’t know what was causing it, so it grew bigger and bigger. I became consistent with this practice of releasing. It came to a point where I could release without the guided meditations, and I was able to grow past my emotions, grow past my fears anxiety instilled.
4. I stayed consistent.
I did this so often that it was second nature. Every time I felt myself growing weary, growing anxious, I would repeat the steps above. It became so normal that I was able to kick anxiety to its knees every time it tried to disrupt my peace of mind. I acknowledged it every time it rised, because that’s what it wanted. It keeps creeping up against you until you accept that it’s there. All it wants is to be acknowledged. That’s what we all want. Your thoughts are no different.
5. I kept myself in check.
Anxiety thrives off of mental and physical disturbances. This means it loves a distressed, confused, unhealthy, off state of mind and body. So, what do you have to do? Keep those in check. Make your life the last place anxiety wants to be. Think about cockroaches (ew). We all hate them. I mean, I’d hope. How do we avoid these roaches? We clean up after ourselves, keep the kitchen clean, etc… We do everything we can to form an environment where they can’t survive. The same with anxiety. You have to create an environment where it will suffer, where it won’t want to return. A few simple changes you can make…
1. Get 8-10 hours of sleep every night
2. Have a well balanced diet
3. Exercise
4. Make time for the people you care about
5. Avoid caffeine
6. Spend at least 30 minutes outdoors every day
7. Keep a journal
8. MEDITATE
9. Avoid resorting to drugs and alcohol
10. Read daily
So, kick your thoughts in the butt. But first, let them know they are being heard. You can’t defeat a villain without accepting that it’s there in the first place.