How Body Neutrality Has Ironically Changed My Life

Like many, I’ve struggled with accepting my body and my self-image for most of my life. I’ve never quite looked at myself the same way after receiving a smattering of unwelcome and thoroughly objectifying comments made by friends and family members early in my adolescence. For a long time, my security blanket was made of friends that made me laugh and tormented me equally. Being surrounded by other women in single-gender schools for ten years, I also witnessed countless friends battling disordered eating and body dysmorphia, which further grounded the importance of looking a certain way into me. It was early into my self-consciousness that many of my thoughts revolved around immovable facts of my physical appearance.

When the concept of “body positivity” first emerged, it was framed as a welcome respite from being hateful towards one’s body and appearance. It seemed to embrace different looks as equally attractive, and it seemed to uplift body types that were traditionally excluded from mainstream narratives of advertising and the media. On paper, it appears easy enough to stand in front of a mirror and observe, laud, and affirm all the unique markers that makes one look like oneself. But as I continued to stare at my reflection every day, phrases like “I love my hips and thighs” and “I look great” swimming meaninglessly around my head, all I could continue to zero in on were the things that I couldn’t bring myself to find beautiful.

I’m not the only one who finds that body positivity has become a loaded, yet vague term bandied about by people that were not necessarily the intended target audience of the movement—companies and supermodels and the Kardashian family alike continue to capitalize off it. Moreover, it has regressed to revolving entirely around the concept of attractiveness. I love that body positivity preaches a flexibility to what is regarded as attractive, but I personally want another way of accepting my body that doesn’t revolve around being essentially an object of beauty—hence, body neutrality, which focuses more on what you can do and what you are, instead of what you can’t do and what you aren’t.

Embracing neutrality for me has meant that I am grateful to my body for doing the best that she can everyday. Embracing neutrality has helped me accept that this is my body, and it does not exist for other people to objectify. It guides my focus to what she can do instead of what she can’t do—and yes, I think of my body as a “she” because sometimes being respectful and pleasant comes more easily to us when we’re directing that at a friend instead of ourselves. I can’t grow as tall as I’d like, nor can I drop the twenty pounds I’ve wanted to lose since I was 14. But, I am able to get out of bed, breathe and stretch, get some work done, read, and do all other things because of my body!

When we take that step to listen to our bodies and when you nourish your being with good hydration, regular hours of sleep and the self-care routines that work for you, it becomes easier to slip into a lifestyle that keeps you feeling strong and present. I try to be mindful of what I truly need in that moment to feel better, whether it be straightening my posture, taking a nap, going on a walk outside or playing with makeup for a bit. Not all of us need the same things. Some of us have a lower threshold for movement, some of us need more rest, some of us are more sensitive to temperature and humidity. Our bodies come with so many variations, with so many unique capacities, and we should live with that in mind.

So here comes the twist I was not anticipating: I thought being neutral about my body would just be a kind of coping mechanism for my life, as it is. But I’ve also been a lot more attuned with unexpected needs to be moving more. Because of that, I’ve been moved to start scheduling time to hit the gym because doing some weight resistance exercises make me feel stronger—something that I resisted in the past, or only did secretly because I was terrified of what other people might say. I’ve been sleeping more and eating intuitively to try to dissociate my conception of food as something that is necessarily shameful. But I’ve also been working on being forgiving when that doesn’t work out. Some days I feel so productive and everything falls into place; I get to catch up on work and my extracurriculars, in addition to indulging in my hobbies of cutting up stickers while watching existentialist TV shows. Other days I wake up drained and with the fuzziest brain, so all I can do is commit to low-energy activities like watching a lecture (or not!) while lying on the sun-drenched couch, listening to the hum of cars zipping past my building. I am learning to accept with my whole heart that I do not need to look a certain way to wear leggings, to do squats, to eat what I want and to exist as I am.

Moving forward, I would love to stop talking about bodies all the time with the people in my life: specifically, fewer conversations about the appearances of bodies and their correlation with attractiveness. Instead of taking away from other people’s confidence and contentment, I would like to add to the peace they can be at with the way they exist and the form that existence may take. Everyone’s journey is different; I still find myself watching the “What I Eat in a Day” videos from ballerinas, or clicking on article after article about avoiding the infamous freshman fifteen. But with patience, mindfulness and kindness, I know things will be better. We will be better at treating ourselves right. 

If you find yourself stuck in the same toxic patterns with your body image, I hope that in 2021 you’re able to find something different, something better and more authentic. I hope that embracing body neutrality will be the start of something new.

• body neutrality
• healthy body image
• physical health
• strength
• wellness