This past weekend, my mom and I sat on our living room couch, drinking hot peppermint tea, watching RomComs, and gossiping about the middle school dance studio’s most recent drama. We gripped each others’ arms as onscreen tension mounted, gasping at romantic gestures after hours of slowburn. We ended the night dissecting our coworkers, laughing in agreement about the stupidity of corporate bureaucracies.Â
Nights like this have been among the most cherished of my college experience.
As I contemplated my decision about where to attend college as a senior in high school, I was painfully aware of the reality of geography. UCLA had been my dream school for years, and I felt ecstatic, proud, and hopeful for the opportunities that would come from my attendance. In my heart, I knew it was the right place to continue my academic journey, yet I worried about my personal growth.Â
I grew up in Orange County, California – a mere 34 miles from UCLA’s campus. As I imagined this quick drive down the 405 freeway, I felt the boundaries I craved in my new collegiate life falling away. College was meant to be the promise of independence, new experiences, and separation from the life I lived in high school, and that 34 miles seemed far too close for comfort. Finishing high school online during the pandemic led to mental health challenges, social anxiety, and familial stress that I feared would bleed into my freshman year experience. I worried I would fall behind socially and emotionally, tethered to a place and a time period that felt difficult for me to escape.Â
As a freshman in college, I was resolute to make my own way and establish autonomy from my local roots. Returning to my childhood bedroom amidst a new life of pseudo-adult activities felt like a sign of immaturity and even weakness, pulling me back into an uncomfortable phase of life. I made a conscious effort to put up a wall between myself and my past life, throwing myself into classes, clubs, and new friendships, and I chose to return home as infrequently as I could.
Now a college senior, I can confidently say that UCLA has undoubtedly been the right decision for me. I have found opportunities for growth through classes, jobs, and relationships, helping me become the person I have always wanted to be. I have come to recognize that being so close to home is not a hindrance, but a wonderful privilege that allows me to be close to those from every different phase of my life.  Â
Contrary to my initial reservations, connection with family and friends from home has provided me with wonderful memories and incomparable love and joy.
As the years have passed, I have grown comfortable with myself, both past and present. The person I am today is not a new and separate identity, but a more confident continuation of the girl I always was. Rather than taking a step backwards, going home for a weekend feels like a warm hug of comfort, safety, and confidence in the decisions I have allowed myself to make.Â