Halfway through college. In the grand scheme of life, this is a wonderful place to be. But in the context of growing up and getting closer each and every day to adulthood – this is one of the scariest positions I have encountered thus far. I’ve turned 20 years old, and again, in the grand scheme of life, this is a pretty remarkable age. But personally, I feel like 20 is pretty complicated and not all it is cracked out to be. In fact, I think it is one of the most awkward ages to be.
Being 20 means you are no longer a kid. But still, you also are not quite an adult. After all, you can’t even legally drink yet. And then to top it all off, if you’re in school, you’re in the dead middle of your undergraduate years. So where does this leave you? You are beginning to think about what you may want to do for the rest of your life, but you still have two years of crucial and life-changing growth to experience… so how can you make such a big decision when your being is not even fully developed?
Maybe I sound crazy, but this is how I feel about being halfway through college. I feel like I am supposed to have a pretty good grasp on where I want to aim in life, like I should be pretty close to having it all figured out. Especially because at this point in undergrad, they tell you that you need to have your major figured out, like, yesterday. I feel like I am behind! I JUST figured out what I want to major in, and I still have no idea where I want to be in ten years. Is that normal? Because when I say it out loud, it sounds pretty normal, but when I look around at all the other 20-year-olds I am surrounded by, it does not feel normal.
Undergrad feels like a current. It does not stop moving – it just sweeps you up and you have to ride along. You have no idea where it is taking you, but you know how you are getting there, so the only thing you can do is sit back and embrace your position. I may not like that answer, but it makes sense. I know my education here at UCLA is going to get me somewhere in life, and although I am not sure where that is just yet, I know it is still going to be okay. Some people need more time to grow, and I have always been one of those people. I guess I just need to learn to be okay with that.
The feelings I am experiencing sound like a midlife crisis, and yet I’m only 20. If anything, this is a quarter-life crisis, and therefore, I declare it not worth stressing over. I am starting to have faith that everything works out in the end if you just try and follow what you love. So I guess I will do just that. I love fashion, I love film, I love TV and I love writing. Let’s stick with that for now. I’m sure everything will turn out okay.
And by the way, if you are having these thoughts, please know you are not alone. I am pretty sure this kind of irrational pondering and ranting is normal. And I am pretty sure that questioning your future is normal at all ages post 18. So my advice is to embrace it! Yes, I’m talking about embracing the worry. All it does is cause you to think. Thinking is good, and thinking in turn helps you get to your end goal faster. It also helps you to learn to know yourself just a little better.