Imagine this: you’ve just stepped out of your last lecture of the week. It’s a breezy Thursday evening, and your friend has asked to eat dinner at Epicuria. You’re thrilled to catch up, and the walk up to the dining halls feels like a leisurely stroll. Maybe she’ll even agree to go out tonight if I convince her during dinner. But once you finish your pasta and grab dessert, your friend starts reciting a script of how this friendship must urgently come to an end. In other words, you’ve been laid off. Pink-slipped. This friendship will NOT be renewed. And suddenly, you realize you haven’t heard her talk the entire dinner but rather a hybrid model of a cold psychologist and a tired HR representative.
By now, even if you haven’t seen the original TikTok, there’s no way you haven’t seen the stitches and duets referencing a psychologist teaching her followers how to break off a friendship. I won’t deny that TikTok has taught me many things or the importance of emotional maturity when confronting difficult relationships but listen and try to imagine how you would respond if your friend told you this.
The emotional rollercoaster I went through in thirty seconds went something like this: initially, it was funny because I thought it was a joke. Then I checked the account bio and realized Dr. Brandolini was actually being very serious, and I panicked because I thought I must be extremely emotionally immature. I checked the comment section and felt a sense of unity as I read comments that were just as appalled as I was.
Does Dr. Brandolini know more about setting boundaries and relationships than I do? No doubt. Was her intention good? Absolutely. Were the execution and script atrocious? A resounding yes.
I’m all for taking the time to reflect on your relationships (platonic and romantic) and ending them if you feel like they’re negatively affecting your life. Boundaries are so important to healthy relationships. But these boundaries and respect for one another should extend until the end of the relationship (as with any concept, there are sometimes exceptions to this rule). To me, this means being vulnerable about your emotions and speaking to them like you always have, not with a script that your manager uses to tell you your position is no longer needed.
I would be speechless if someone referred to my years of friendship as “a season” that they no “longer have the capacity to invest” in, so they wish me “all love and success.” I can’t express how much more I would prefer a sentimental discussion about where things went wrong and why we feel the way we do with plenty of emotions so I know that this relationship and decision also means a lot to my friend. Or ghost me. Literally anything else.
How relationships end matters. The way you treat your soon-to-be ex-friend or partner in your last moments together will greatly impact how you remember your memories together. And in my humble opinion, the business casual approach has little space in these painful moments. You can be respectful without sounding automated. And as a last note, I’m suggesting that you be vulnerable for your own sake, not the other person. Regardless of whether the relationship is naturally falling apart or it’s toxic, we deserve to feel all the emotions, including pain, confusion, anger, doubt and regret while making a difficult choice.