I don’t know about you, but as a young girl about to enter her 20’s, people tell me all the time that it’s time to start your “self-love” journey. What does it even mean to be on a self-love journey? Does it mean vlogging your newest self-help book with a cup of tea in your hand? Or wait, how about making sure to not forget your weekly “men are trash” rant on your Snapchat story? The self-love journey seems to have morphed into this personality trait, something that people feel like they have to prove to the world that they are doing. And though I am guilty of falling into the facade of social media’s definition of the self-love journey once in a while, through a lot of trial and error, I was able to find my own definition of it. Everyone’s journey of self-love looks different, and it is important to keep in mind that though these influencers who promote self-love may have good intentions, most of it is just for show. The real journey isn’t meant to be pretty or aesthetic. Here are five things that they don’t tell you about the “self-love” journey:
- It can be extremely lonely
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The hardest thing for me to overcome in my own journey of self-love and healing was the unexpected and overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Half of the term “self-love” consists of the word “self,” meaning that this is a journey solely about you. Not about your friends, not about your partner, not about your family, it’s about you. Your thoughts, your past and your inner child. Your habits, your addictions and your toxic traits. Sure, your partner, family or friends can support you on this journey, but at the end of the day, you are the one who is ultimately making each step. And though uncomfortable at first, this can be a very empowering and beautiful experience.
- You will lose a lot of people from it
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A lot of people in your life may not understand the journey that you are on. And that is okay because it is yours and no one else’s. However, this could very well mean losing some people in your life. Some people in your life will not understand why you are on this journey of self-love. They may be ignorant as to what that means, and in their eyes, they just see that you are “acting differently.” Maybe you are taking more time to yourself and surrounding yourself with people who give you energy, and maybe that means that you are seeing them less. It’s almost like they put you in this imaginary box of who you can and can’t be. However, we evolve as we grow. Committing to this journey of healing and self-love means that there will be some changes in yourself, and if some people in your life can’t understand, respect or accept that, then that is more so a testament to where they stand in their own journeys. Give yourself permission to outgrow people.
- It is not a straight line
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I noticed that on platforms like Tiktok and Youtube, where influencers like to showcase their journeys of healing and self-love, they tend to only show the good parts. And even when they do show the so-called “bad” parts, there is still this rosy, film-like tint to it. Something that I have had to come to terms with is that the highs are high and the lows are low. It is an endless cycle of thinking you are starting to get a hang of things, and then life kicking you in the butt the next day.
- It is a lifetime commitment
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This is going to be a lifetime commitment. You are investing in yourself for the long term. I feel like people advertise this self-love journey as if you are working yourself up to something. Like it is a mountain and that once you climb all the way to the top, you are set for life. And while this can be true in some aspects, you are never going to reach this magical place where you are just fixed and you are done. Don’t get me wrong, it does get easier over time. And once you get to that place where this journey starts to feel like muscle memory and you understand your mind and body and what they are communicating to you, then it is all about upkeep these habits.
- don’t mistake peace for boredom
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This last point I am making is mostly geared to my people who are used to chaos in their lives. For as long as I can remember, there has always been something traumatic or emotionally unstable occurring in my life. I realized recently that I began to associate that feeling of chaos with love. And since this started at a young age, my brain has been wired to crave this emotional rollercoaster, since it thought it was love. It took a while for me to stop craving chaos in my life. It took me a while to unlearn my emotional habits and rewire my brain to not mistake the feeling of peace with “boring.”
Like Miley Cyrus once said, “it’s the climb.” Don’t worry so much about the end goal or how far away you might feel it is. Take it day by day, moment by moment, and remember that this journey is about you. It’s not meant to feel comfortable and empowering every single day like social media may make you think. It is a lot of inner work and self-reflection. It’s a lot of uncomfortable and honest conversations with yourself and your past, but trust me, it will be worth it. Your inner child is thanking you!