The first thing people have been badgering me about since starting to get over my breakup is the importance of dating casually throughout your 20s. But, what does that even mean?
My problem is, I find myself consistently placing so much weight and importance on one person at a time, fully investing myself in them emotionally and so forth.
My only relationship thus far was with a friend who I had known for five years prior. The investment was there, the timing, the connection, everything I considered important. But obviously, that didn’t end well considering I’m writing this.
So, I guess it’s time for me to step back and ask: “What is casual dating and why do I need to do it?” I have been on the apps, and had my little “talking stages,” but I have never pursued anything one would call “casual,” per se.
But honestly, I don’t feel like having the “so, what’s your major lol” conversation five million times, and I don’t want to put out. I am not saying either of those is inherently bad, it’s just never been for me.
Honestly, though, I found that the “thing” about casual dating is that there are no perfect guidelines, you can set any boundaries you want just as if you were in a monogamous, long-term relationship. After some asking around I found that a lot of casual dating is just figuring out what you want, while still setting boundaries for the search.
And sex is not the end all be all, it can be whatever you’re comfortable with; ultimately, it’s all about finding someone whose wants align with your own, even if it is just for a casual fling. And just because you’re not seeing someone seriously doesn’t mean you don’t have to treat them with respect.
Dating casually is a fine art that I feel many people in their twenties are still working on over time to master. Apparently, the consensus is that casual dating is just having some sort of emotional or physical connection with someone without the defined commitment of a solidified relationship. But it’s up to us to find out what that ideal situation is in terms of our own lives and boundaries.
The general rules that I have picked up for myself are:
- Don’t get too attached; be mindful of maintaining your independence
- Take note of what you like; Take note of what you don’t
- Set clear boundaries
- Be honest and up-front about what you’re looking for
- Clear communication is essential to any relationship, casual or otherwise
- Be safe, get tested regularly
- Be mindful of your feelings as well as those of your casual counterpart
Maybe we won’t all figure out the secret to achieving that perfect casual fling, but the very least we can do is try while respecting ourselves and those we get involved with.
At the end of the day, casual dating isn’t everyone’s favorite, and that’s okay. From here on out, I’m going to give it my best shot. Maybe it’s not going to end in love or marriage or the white picket fence that has been force-fed to us by society, but hopefully, I will learn more about what I expect out of myself and my potential partners.
Ending my last relationship was one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself and hopefully jumping into the casual dating pool will teach me more about what I truly seek in a romantic relationship. Whether that teaches me that casual dating isn’t for me is to be determined later, but at least I’ll know I gave it a chance.