If you know me, you would know I have my fair share of roommate stories to tell. It’s not uncommon for someone you meet to have a story about that one crazy roommate or an insane blowup they had that wrecked their friendship. Regardless of whether you decide to room with your best friend or settle for a random placement, much of the advice I can offer is the same. So, here are three things I’ve learned from my experiences.
- You Don’t Have to Be Friends
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Roommates might feel like a built-in best friend when you’re first starting college. They live with you, they’re around the same age, and more likely than not, you had the chance to text and bond before moving in. However, you don’t have to be friends.
If you find that you’re not getting along with your roommate, despite trying, that’s totally fine. You can’t change someone’s mind or feelings; that’s not your job. All you can do is be yourself and stay graceful in those situations, so when you look back on the memories, you can feel good about handling them well.
@HelpMeHarlan via YouTube. - Don’t Talk Badly Behind Their BacksÂ
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One of the most important lessons I’ve learned, if not the most important, is to avoid talking badly about your roommate to your other roommate. This goes both ways: don’t let your roommate talk negatively to you about your other roommate. This might seem like a good way to bond—kicking a dead horse is a favorite activity for a lot of us—but it can cause more problems.
If you don’t realize that one of your roommates is close to another, the things you say about that roommate can easily get back to them. Conversely, if your roommate is talking to you about their issues with the other roommate, you might hear them say stuff that really crosses the line. When that happens, you might feel obligated to tell the person. As a result, everything turns into one big game of telephone that could’ve been avoided if you all had just talked to the roommate you were having issues with.Â
- Be Honest When You Are Upset
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Both of the aforementioned lessons could have been solved or helped by an honest conversation. When you’re friends with your roommate, or even if you’re not, a hard conversation sometimes needs to be had. This is no one’s favorite activity. It’s a hard thing to work up the courage to sit down and talk about your feelings, but it’s necessary when you’re living with someone.
The best thing to do in those situations is not to come at them with anger. Don’t start accusing your roommate of being the ‘spawn of satan,’ even if you think that’s how they’ve been behaving. That will only make them closed off and defensive, leading to unproductive conversations. During these points of conflict, you have to use “I” statements, such as, “when I come home to a messy apartment on my off week for cleaning, I feel unproductive and upset.”Â
@CalvinUniversity via YouTube.
Sometimes, when you have too many difficult conversations, they begin to lose their value, especially if one party isn’t listening or following through on their solutions. This is when I would remind myself that it is not mandatory to be friends with your roommate, and it is okay to drift from the friendship. However, it’s up to you how to proceed during these tough moments.
Regardless of the situation you’re in, you have to decide how to behave. The only thing you can control is yourself. Act with your best interest in mind and remember, at least by the end of this, you’ll have a good story to tell at parties.