It’s officially been a month since I became a student at the University of Central Florida, and I can honestly say it hasn’t been what I imagined. At Valencia College, everything felt like a breeze. Classes were smaller, there wasn’t much going on, and the workload felt lighter. I could stay up late, work as many hours as I wanted, and go out without constantly worrying about my grades slipping.
I didn’t have many expectations when I applied to UCF, and I assumed the two schools wouldn’t be much different. Maybe larger classes and more events to attend, but I was confident that I would be able to handle work and school without them interfering with one another or negatively impacting my mental health and daily life.
I learned quickly that this wasn’t the case. The biggest challenge wasn’t even the workload. The assignments were doable and simple, though at times overwhelming and tedious. The hard part was realizing I couldn’t afford to make school my top priority if I wanted to pay my bills. I found myself working all the time and never having enough time to study or do my assignments until the last minute because I am solely responsible for covering my own rent, groceries, transportation, and everyday expenses.
At first, that never really bothered me. I was used to working while doing school at the same time, and many people I knew, from hometown friends and coworkers to friends I met at Valencia, were all in the same boat, so I never thought it was unusual that I did both.
But as I started talking with and getting to know the students at UCF, I quickly realized I was one of the few people in my classes, or even just in passing, who worked full-time and had no family support.
I noticed how differently my peers approached college than I did. While I couldn’t attend many of the events UCF offers because they conflicted with my job, I saw many of my peers attending events, clubs, football games, tailgates, and career fairs without any conflict. At first, I was taken aback and confused; I wondered, what was I doing wrong? What can I do to catch up? What are they doing that I’m not? How can I adjust my work schedule to accommodate the events I want to attend and the studying I have to do?
It went on like this for a while; every time a new event or opportunity came up, I couldn’t go because of work constraints. I had to make do with what I had and watch everyone else enjoy themselves through my phone screen at home.
For a long time, I felt left out and was hard on myself for not balancing the two better. It wasn’t just school that made me feel behind my classmates; the social side did too. Everybody always talks about the “college experience,” like dorming your freshman year, going to games, and being involved and proactive on campus; things I missed as someone who went to community college for the first two years.
During my time at Valencia and even in high school, I didn’t do much on campus. I didn’t join clubs, do internships, play sports, or hang around campus after classes unless I was studying in the library or eating in the cafeteria. I went to class, went home, or worked.
That’s why, when I got accepted to UCF, I promised myself that things would be different: I would go out to every social setting on campus; I would network and build lifelong connections with people; I would build up a portfolio that would be beneficial to future employers; and I would be involved in the student body.
It was a sad, depressing realization I made over the 40 days I’ve been in school: I couldn’t, in fact, do it all.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I’ve been looking at this situation all wrong. I was comparing my college experiences to people with a completely different set of experiences. Some students have families, work, and go to school; some are full-time students with their own challenges and struggles; and some are burnt out and exhausted from focusing solely on one avenue.
Everyone has personal circumstances they go through behind closed doors. I was so worried about what everyone else could do and how they perceived me, my finances, or my parents, or lack thereof, that I didn’t consider the hard work I put in to get where I am. I worked to support myself and my needs, attend classes, and participate in club activities and school events, all the while trying to build a better future for myself after graduation. Instead of focusing on what I can do and have done, I focused on what I couldn’t do and treated those limitations as failures.
I still wish I could attend all the campus and club events, meet new people, make connections, and take advantage of everything UCF has to offer. I don’t think that feeling will suddenly disappear overnight; I’m still trying to navigate and balance both worlds without burning myself out. But I’m learning that my college experience doesn’t have to be a copy-and-paste of everybody else’s, because I am not like everybody else.
Even though I can’t attend every event, join every organization, or say yes to every opportunity that comes my way, I am still enjoying my time as a UCF student and can still make meaningful connections in other ways.