To the one I thought would be my forever,
I have so many unanswered questions. I feel like I’m going to get whiplash from all of the mood swings I have.
Sometimes, I feel happy. I go out with my friends whenever I want. I go to those restaurants I love that you never wanted to go to. I can buy whatever I want at the grocery store and not have to worry about being judged or having it disappear.
Other times I’m sad. I have to watch that show we used to watch alone, and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Some of my favorite songs are hard to listen to because I still remember the sound of your voice singing them in my passenger seat. I think about all of the plans we had: where we wanted to go when we graduate, where we wanted to live and what we wanted to name our pets.
I’m also angry. I’m angry that you took my life away from me. You left with no warning and no remorse. You pretended to care about me when you had already made your decision. You came home from apartment hunting and held me in our bed each night like everything was okay. I don’t know how a person could possibly be so cold, but it boils my blood.
More than anything though, I’m thankful. When you slammed our front door shut, so many others opened up. I got my dream job on the other side of the country. I started getting closer to my best friends, along with making new ones. I’m able to spend all of my time, money and energy on myself instead of giving so much of it to someone else. But most importantly, I feel more loved than I have in a long time. Our relationship got to be so draining at the end, and I didn’t realize it until our break up slapped me in the face. The support and love I’ve gotten from my friends and family has been overwhelming.
So thank you for helping me fall in love again. But this time, I fell in love with myself. I tell myself I’m beautiful every time I look in the mirror. I buy myself the flowers that you never got me. I take myself out to the restaurants I’ve been dying to try. I used to be so insecure, but that slowly turned to confidence when you left. I’m so happy to be best friends with someone who will never leave me.
Although I think you made the biggest mistake of your life, I wish you the best. I hope that you find what you’re looking for. I won’t be there to cheer you on or be your friend anymore, but I don’t wish you any ill will. The foolish, head-over-heels girl you dated is now gone forever. A strong and independent woman has officially taken her place. So don’t look back for me, because I won’t be there. And if you ever find a girl again who you think you’re ready to start over with, I hope you never hurt her the way you hurt me.
Sincerely,
The girl who used to love you