Identifying as an “anxious” person never made me feel abnormal. In fact, I openly mention that anxiety is something that constantly follows me everywhere, so much so that it has become a part of my identity. However, realizing and resonating with the idea that I might have high functioning anxiety feels like a whole other ball game. According to Bridge Store Recovery, high functioning anxiety is categorized by a few different traits, including perfectionism, workaholism and the need to constantly be busy, and these factors can have problematic effects on mental health. So, to sum it up, it’s basically anxiety’s nightmare twin.
While the above-mentioned traits seem like characteristics that most can relate to when placed in a stressful situation, high functioning anxiety has a scarier undertone for me. I’ve lived the past few years blurring the lines between my core personality traits and symptoms of a disorder I didn’t even know existed. This led me to believe that the majority of the things I was doing were “okay,” while in reality, they were doing more harm than good. And with the onset of COVID-19 and the start of a new fall semester, I’ve found myself exhibiting more symptoms than ever before, and it’s been getting harder to ignore. I originally thought that I was extra stressed, as my final few months before graduation were approaching. On top of focusing on finishing strong, I’ve also had to actively take on the full-time job of applying for jobs, as well as participate in clubs and organizations.
I’ve slowly started to realize that I’m taking on more tasks and spreading myself so thin that I haven’t made time to take a breather or enjoy the things I love to do the most. My days are busier than ever, so much so that sometimes I’ve even forgotten to eat. And if my sleep schedule hasn’t been damaged enough by all the nights I’ve stayed up studying the past four years, then it definitely is now, as I’ve stayed up longer and more frequently, only to be plagued with feelings of worry that I messed something up when I do sleep. There’s been an overall constant need to just keep pushing even when my mental state hasn’t been the best, and it’s exhausting. I say all of this to bring attention to a problem that seems as though it’s pushed off to be the “norm.”
As I navigate through this journey of getting back to the real me, I’ve realized that self-care is paramount. Taking a break to do what you love, even if it means stopping time or another task, is just as essential as the task you are doing. I’ve also realized that feelings of inadequacy stem from high functioning anxiety, and taking the time to love yourself for who you are and remind yourself of all you have accomplished (and all you can accomplish) is the best way to work toward a healthier you. Just remember: this doesn’t define your personality, and you are not alone.
