With Valentine’s Day coming up, picking the right flowers is a crucial and daunting task. Last Super Bowl, I broke this down by comparing football players to flowers in Part 1. Given the time of year, it only felt right to run it back — new season, new players, same pressure to make the right call when it matters most.
To make it make sense for the men, here is Part 2: another X’s and O’s breakdown of flowers in football terms to help you make a more imaginative play and avoid fumbling at the last second.
1. Touchdown – Mixed Bouquet – Matthew Stafford
A mixed bouquet is a proven veteran. Like Matthew Stafford, it’s experienced, reliable, and built to deliver when it matters most. It’s the equivalent of throwing a game-winning touchdown with a dislocated shoulder. If you seek a safe, high-percentage play that will fight for you, this is it.
2. Secret Weapon – Orchid – Jaxson Dart
Orchids are unique, controlled, and quietly impressive. They’re not the obvious choice, but once you see them, they stand out. Just like Jaxson Dart, they operate under the radar and still dominate. If you’re trying to surprise her with something that feels thoughtful and elevated, orchids are the move.
3. Overrated – Red Roses – Patrick Mahomes
Red roses are elite, there’s no denying that. But at this point, they’re overdone. Much like Patrick Mahomes, they went from the Super Bowl to career-low passer ratings. They’ll still perform, but they’ve had their run for far too long, and it’s someone else’s turn.
4. Mid – Daisy – Baker Mayfield
Daisies are fine, but they feel more like something you’d give your niece after a recital than for Valentine’s Day. They’re youthful, harmless, and a little forgettable. Like Baker Mayfield, they won’t lose you the game, but they’re not exactly taking it over either.
5. Underrated – Sunflower – IsAac Teslaa
Sunflowers bring energy, confidence, and consistency, yet somehow never get enough credit. That’s Isaac TesLaa in floral form. They’re bright, dependable, and instantly lift the mood, making them a sneakily solid Valentine’s Day pick.
6. Fumble – Tulip – Derrick Henry
Tulips look strong at first glance, but they’re unpredictable. One wrong move and the whole play falls apart. Like Derrick Henry and his fourth-quarter fumbles, tulips have the potential to ruin the game.
7. Hail Mary – Baby’s Breath – Caleb Williams
This is a bold call. Baby’s breath, on its own, can either look artistic and special or completely miss the mark. Just like a deep shot from Caleb Williams, it’s high risk, high reward, and absolutely not for the cautious.
8. Clutch – Carnation – Puka Nacua
Carnations always come through when it matters. They last longer than expected, hold up under pressure, and quietly make a huge impact. Like Puka Nacua, they might not get the flashiest hype, but they come in clutch and show up in the most significant moments.
9. Audible – lilies – Trevor Lawrence
Lilies aren’t the first option, but they work when you need to adjust on the fly. They symbolize rebirth, much like Trevor Lawrence, who’s been doubted, moved around, and written off, yet still capable of running the offense when the original play breaks down.
10. Turnover – Lavender (Tua Tagovailoa)
Lavender smells nice, but it leans more toward “grandma’s nightstand” than Valentine’s Day romance. Like Tua Tagovailoa, Lavender deserves to be benched in high-stakes moments before it causes a costly turnover that completely shifts momentum in the wrong direction.
At the end of the day, picking the right flower is just like calling the right play. You want something that fits the moment, shows effort, and won’t blow up in your face.
Whether you’re going with a safe touchdown, sneaky underrated pick, or taking a Hail Mary shot, the key is knowing your matchup. Avoid the fumbles and turnovers, trust your instincts, and you’ll be set up for a Valentine’s Day win.
Sometimes the smartest play is just showing you cared enough to have a game plan.