To Everyone Dumped in 2019:
Congratulations! You’ve made it to a new decade, to the Roaring Twenties: Part Two. Surviving the 21st century is beginning to seem like a remarkable feat, so seriously: kudos. But if you’ve clicked on this article — whether you lost a romantic partner or friend in the last decade — you might not feel much like celebrating. I’m writing this to you because this feeling sucks, I know it very well and I need this letter as much as you do. Dealing with this really isn’t as easy as adopting a “new decade, new me!” philosophy.
So, I’m telling you/us:
One day, it’ll stop. Not the memories, of course — because honestly, how could I ever hear “Come on Eileen” again and not think of them? — but the accompanying pang in your chest. One day, those memories actually bring a smile to your face, even if it’s a mournful one. Mourning is okay! It eventually turns into a kinder form of nostalgia, and with that nostalgia comes the greatest relief.
You loved the time you had with them. You loved laughing about nonsense over Thai food until four in the morning. You loved the playlist they named after you (which you might still have on your Spotify) and you loved blasting it as the two of you flew down the highway too fast. You loved their smile, their chaos and the strength in their sensitivity. You loved that they would totally never judge you for this angsty letter because they understood your “process” just that well.
Most of all, you loved them. And maybe that shouldn’t be past tense! Maybe there are some people we never stop loving, and maybe that’s okay. But love them safely. As the great Albus Dumbledore once said, “It does not do to dwell on dreams…and forget to live.”
So live. Take the new decade a day at a time. The whole mourning-turning-to-nostalgia thing doesn’t happen right away, nor does it happen linearly, so remember to be patient with yourself. “Moving on” isn’t as much of an effort thing as it is a waiting game. And that waiting may be killer, but I promise: you’re getting better just by existing.
We’ve got this.