Journaling can be very eye-opening and freeing. I definitely suggest it to anyone that has to make a personal decision about their future that involves risk because it can keep complex decisions manageable. But if you’re like me, then you tend to think negatively from time to time, and you might even have thoughts that linger. I included snippets of my notes that I wrote to myself two years ago and I thought it would be useful to analyze where I was then and now. If you’re feeling like you’re weird, or maybe that “I don’t belong”, “I’m depressed”, or even “I’m not myself”, it’s okay. Writing things down can be your own therapy. You can be safe within yourself to fully express yourself and create an environment of love. Self-love. Know that in this special space that you have complete control of, you can feel confident that there are no expectations. Be that magical comfort that you deserve.
Nonetheless, I hope you find what you are looking for.
In this entry, I didn’t want to put effort into anything. I probably thought I faced ‘impending doom’ about school grades, friendships or my place in the world. Entry: 01
My mind wants to stop churning with ideas, and the never-ending desire to do the next thing. “Always in a rush” – I suppose. Wait, why wouldn’t I want to continue doing things? Humph. Well, dear, it’s human nature to want to be still and notice what happens around you, without your interaction. I think it’s called, “laziness”. When desolateness enters my breathing, that’s when I know.
I don’t mean for it to happen, but it does so more often than I’d like it to. The temptation to stay still and lonely creates this murderous banter. The only participants: sudden impairment to friendliness, and its host.
Wallowing my life in bed just doesn’t tickle my wants. But I guess I shouldn’t complain since I have an archive of interesting objects, such as folders, paper sheets, pens, pencils and my three pound mind. Interesting enough, I find myself amazed by this sheer ability to combine ordinary things to create something entirely new. There are no rules set in life for you, only the ones you set for yourself. Truthfully, I think this important for anyone to understand.
So, I encourage you to question. Question the viewpoints that you initially have and why the other person has theirs. This is another subject I will talk about later.
It’s important to not use food as your means of comfort beacuse you may find yourself dealing wih eating disorders, weight gain. In some cases, you might find a pattern within your past and current thinking. Learn from the past and create the bright future you are deserving of! Entry: 02 I won’t lie to myself. I feel as if the inflammation from my negative thoughts has begun to control my actions at the moment. Food becomes comfort. Here, I sit. My torso waves forward and backward in a metronome-like conversation, between there and now. Have you felt like this recently? Great, minute distractions creepily seek my attention.
I don’t understand people. I try to convey my ideas. I find that the more that I open my mind to ideas, the more people strong to theirs claim that there is something wrong with me.
Am I a threat to what makes or keeps someone sane?
You know, I’d like to keep to myself more, in an attempt to undo my weakness. However, those who I don’t understand seem to be farther away in my search for truth…
Being truthful with yourself may be really difficult at first. The thing is, you have to be your best friend and trust yourself. This will help you grow and achieve peace. Journaling can be your place to re-create yourself if you choose to. If you ever find yourself thinking self-harming thoughts, I encourage you to please speak to a friend, parent or visit a psychologist.