Heartbreak is an excruciating roller coaster ride of emotions. Right out of an abusive relationship, it’s normal to wonder why you stayed so long, or how big of a mistake the entire relationship was—but sometimes our greatest mistakes are what lead us to our fate. When I went through my worst heartbreak, I was shattered into so many pieces I never thought could be put back together. That’s when I realized that sometimes we need to be broken first before we can finally become whole. I thought I would never be okay again and that I would never experience love again—and then I met you.
Loving you was so different than any other love I’ve experienced. It was easy, fun, and just overall normal. Coming out of a toxic relationship, I can’t express to you how badly I wanted a normal one. Just someone who I could joke around with, trust, and do day-to-day things with, without some sort of problem or irrational fight. You give me that—and so much more.
I began to wonder why I had such a horrible first experience of love, and why it didn’t work out even though I tried so hard. I now realize that the only reason that relationship existed was to break my heart, and that’s okay. Breakups shape who we are and who we are supposed to be. Every single time I experienced another moment in such an unhealthy relationship, I was one step closer to meeting the love of my life—one step closer to you.
You’ve shown me what true love should feel like. Before you, I had so many deranged and inaccurate ideas of what love should be like. I was so wrong. But of course, it was all I knew. I knew love to be possessive, manipulating, and inconsistent. You were like a breath of fresh air after such a long time of anguish. Coming out of that relationship, I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. That was the beauty of our relationship: you celebrated the things about me that I used to be criticized endlessly for. The love you give me is kind and patient. All of those insecurities I had from my past relationship no longer exist because you accept me for who I am, and I never have to question how you feel about me.
One thing I really value from this relationship is how I’ve learned to be myself again. I feel comfortable telling you anything and everything, and I feel like I can be my absolute self with no apologies. I no longer have to walk on eggshells, worried about what may go wrong. Instead, I can focus on everything that’s going right. I no longer feel stressed or anxious, which was quite a common feeling I had in the past. It’s crazy how I almost don’t even remember what that feeling felt like, because I’m constantly surrounded by so much support and admiration.
I am so lucky I was fortunate enough to cross paths with someone like you, and I’m even luckier that I get to love you every day. You have given me a safe haven—you make me feel safe and comfortable. I know I can count on you when I’m sad and need a shoulder to cry on, or when I’m lost and need a hand to hold. I now understand real love: it doesn’t meet you at your best, but rather meets you in your mess.
Thank you for loving me through my mess, and I can’t wait for a lifetime with you.
All images taken by the author.