Breaking up or ending a significant relationship can feel like the ground beneath you has suddenly disappeared, especially when you’re young and so much of your identity is wrapped up in that person. It can feel like you’re left standing in pieces, wondering what comes next. In the emotional aftermath, it’s easy to spiral into social media stalking, overthinking, or blaming yourself — but those habits usually just stall the healing.
Instead, being intentional and gentle with yourself through this transition can genuinely make all the difference. By setting healthy boundaries, unplugging from unhealthy habits, and giving yourself space to breathe, you can slowly start to rediscover the amazing person you are — independent of anyone else. Here are five dos and don’ts to help guide you through this incredibly tender and transformative time.
- Do protect your peace, even if that means blocking them
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One of the most powerful things you can do after a breakup is to honor your feelings without letting them drag you back into a cycle that hurt you. Whether your breakup was a tearful, messy explosion or a calm, mutual parting of ways, the truth is that missing someone doesn’t mean you should still have access to them.
As Matthew Hussey explains, the “no contact” rule is like a detox — it’s meant to help you break free from the emotional highs and lows of an ended relationship. This might mean unfollowing or blocking your ex on social media, muting them, deleting their number, or disconnecting shared digital ties (like calendars or streaming accounts).
It’s not petty — it’s self-preservation. It’s so easy to romanticize the past and forget why things ended, especially when the memories are still fresh. But before you consider texting them or “accidentally” liking an old post, take a breath. Protecting your heart starts with creating real space to heal.
- Don’t scroll yourself into sadness
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While you’re at it, just log off — like, all the way off. Delete the apps for a little while if you have to. It’s too easy to start comparing, overanalyzing, or spiraling into sadness when your feed is full of curated perfection. Taking a digital break gives your mind the reset it desperately needs.
Better yet, take a real-life break too. Plan a trip (even if it’s just a day trip) without your phone glued to your hand. Change your routine. Make new connections. Literally touch grass. Therapist Kathleen Hendrik Ebbitt suggests that changing your surroundings helps form new neurological connections, which can be so healing.
Take walks, get fresh air, and cry in the sun if needed. Just don’t fall into the trap of posting to make your ex jealous or act like you’re over it when you’re not. And please — no cringey breakup quotes or shady IG notes. Protect your peace, and your dignity too.
- Do prioritize your own healing and happiness
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Let’s be real: breakups are like emotional withdrawals. You’ve been used to getting your dopamine fix from someone else’s attention, and when that goes away, it hurts — bad. The key is to replace those habits, not just try to erase them. As Charles Duhigg says in The Power of Habit, “Habits are never destroyed, only replaced.”
So replace those late-night texts with journaling. Swap scrolling for a solo dance party. Pick up that hobby you always said you’d try. Surround yourself with softness — bubble baths, candles, books, music that makes your soul feel hugged. And remember: your life doesn’t end here. Slowly, the “we” becomes “I” again, and that’s when the magic begins.
- Don’t obsess over the past
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It’s natural to replay everything in your mind to figure out what went wrong. It’s even healthy — to a point. Reflecting on what you appreciated and didn’t in your ex can help you understand your needs better. Acknowledging the missteps, on both sides, allows you to grow.
But please don’t fall into the trap of blame or self-hatred. Avoid thoughts like It was all my fault, If I had just done ____ then ____, or I’ll never be loved again. None of that is true.
And avoid trashing your ex, even if they broke your heart into a thousand pieces. You loved them once. Hold onto your grace. When you find yourself spiraling, try journaling your thoughts and ending each entry with a little conclusion — something affirming, even if it’s simple, like, “I’m still healing, and that’s okay.”
- Do lean on your support system
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You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s your therapist, friends, mom, or even your best friend’s mom, reach out. Talk about it. Cry about it. Laugh about it when you’re ready. Most people have been through heartbreak. And being reminded that you’re not the only one who’s ever felt this way can be surprisingly comforting.
Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not ones who just want gossip or to egg on your anger. Real love — whether platonic, familial, or spiritual — will carry you through.
Heartbreak is never easy. But it’s also not the end of your story; it’s the start of a new chapter where you are the main character. Let yourself feel, let yourself rest, and allow yourself to rise. The love you gave was real, but so is the love you’re capable of giving to yourself now.
You don’t need to rush into becoming “okay.” Just take it day by day. Healing isn’t linear, and that’s perfectly normal. One day you’ll look back at this time and see not just the pain, but the strength you found in the middle of it. You are soft and strong. You are hurting, but healing. And, above all else, you are absolutely going to be okay.