Things I’m No Longer Apologizing For

I use the word “sorry” more times than I say “I’m hungry” and it’s beyond a doubt that I want food more often than I feel bad about my actions. When you are empathetic and care unconditionally for your friends and family, it’s challenging to prioritize yourself without feeling guilty. Here are a few things we shouldn’t have to apologize for: taking me-time, ending a relationship, asking for help, having no answers, and so much more.

Remember this – you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. You deserve to put yourself first before anyone else. As a college student, I get stressed because of my busy schedule and find it hard to make time for everyone in my life, including myself. As the quarter goes on, I feel more pressure to take time from my me-time and spend it with friends and family. Although I appreciate this time with them, I also need some for myself to recuperate from my busy life. But as soon as I say, “I can’t. I’m sorry…” I feel a weight on my shoulders that’s full of guilt, embarrassment, and shame. These feelings are always what stops me from choosing what is best for my mental health. In short, you need this time for your mind, body, and health, which is something not worth apologizing for. Instead, say, “I need some time for myself, but I’ll reach out to you when I’m free.” I promise you (if they are a loyal friend) they’ll understand completely.

Ending a relationship is one of the most challenging but necessary talks to have with someone. While at the moment it’s emotional and mortifying, the outcome can be life-changing and content. Sometimes breaking up with a partner or a friend can leave them in anger or tears, making it difficult to hold in an apology (unless you do feel sorry). But remember it is for the best (especially for you), and life will go on for both of you. There is no reason to say “I’m sorry” during a breakup if you don’t mean it.

Whenever I ask for help from coworkers, classmates, or friends, I immediately apologize. It’s a natural reaction to feel that I’m causing them pain and stress since I’m asking for something that isn’t their priority or responsibility. I’ve tried to make “thank you for helping me” a habit instead of “I’m so sorry for asking you to do this for me.” Asking for support is a very normal thing to do. Without help from others, we wouldn’t be where we are today.

In a lot of situations, we respond with apologies even though we don’t need to. We have to remember that sometimes we are allowed to make the decisions that benefit our own lives. Let me repeat – you are not responsible for other people’s feelings, and people will love you no matter what. 

• apologies
• break up
• relationships
• self reflection
• self-care