Have you ever noticed how sometimes people do something and it just doesn’t make any sense? Like you’re just being yourself—being cool, laid-back, not bothering nobody—and out of nowhere, somebody’s giving you attitude or trash-talking you. Maybe it’s a girl who doesn’t even know you, but already has something negative to say. Or maybe it’s your “friend” who is always comparing your appearance or body to another friend, or complimenting you with those nice-sounding but not-nice-feeling backhanded compliments. It didn’t take me long, but what I’ve found the majority of the time is that kind of thing isn’t even about you anyway—it’s about them. Their negativity, shade, or bad energy is most likely an extension of their own issues and insecurities that they have not worked through.
In psychology it’s called projection, and it’s when individuals will take their own feelings, their own shortcomings, their own insecurities, and they’ll assign them to someone else. It’s almost like a defense mechanism—if they don’t want to confront something negative about themselves, it’s far easier to put it on someone else. So instead of saying “I’m jealous” or “I’m insecure,” it becomes “She’s so full of herself” or “She thinks she’s better than everyone.” It’s a way for people to protect their self-image, even if it comes at the expense of someone else’s peace.
Just use female friendships as an example. I’m sure every girl has that one toxic friendship breakup with a girl that pretended she was a supportive friend when in reality, they talked shit behind your back, constantly projected her insecurities onto you, gave backhanded compliments, etc. I’ve had girls flip on me for no reason whatsoever, and I’d be sitting there wondering what I did wrong. But over time as I’ve grown and matured I realized that sometimes, being confident or happy with who you are will make some people jealous because they haven’t learned to do the same thing for themselves. I had a friend who would always make these little “jokes” about what I was wearing or how I talked or how my other friend was prettier—always with a judgey sarcastic tone. Finally, I realized that she was comparing herself to me in ways that I never even asked from her. Her answers were not about me; they were about how she felt around me.
Even the ones who judge or hate on you? Nine out of ten times, it’s not that you’re doing something wrong—it’s that something about you triggers a part of them they haven’t yet come to terms with. Really happy, secure people don’t go around tearing others down. They don’t need to. So when someone projects negativity onto you, don’t let it faze you. Recognize it for what it is: a reflection of where they’re at, not where you’re lacking. At the end of the day, how people treat you reflects more about them than it ever will about you. Their projections are not yours to keep. Just keep on shining, stay grounded, and let their stuff be their stuff!