At some point in our lives, many of us were taught that choosing ourselves is selfish. That putting our own needs first means that we’re inconsiderate and that setting boundaries makes us difficult. That walking away from something that no longer feels right means that we didn’t try hard enough. Especially in college, where everything moves fast and feels fragile, it can often be easier to bend than to stand firm.
However, there is power in choosing yourself, and it is one of the most important lessons to learn.
Choosing yourself isn’t something that always needs to look dramatic; it’s not a declaration or a perfectly worded goodbye. Instead, sometimes it is the small choices that we make. For example, it’s saying no to plans when you’re exhausted instead of forcing yourself to go out, it’s taking a day off when you feel overwhelmed and deciding not to entertain relationships that are draining. Choosing yourself means understanding what you need and giving yourself that space to take a step back.
In a society that praises constant commitment and availability, choosing yourself can often feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Often, college environments are all about saying yes to everything. Because of this, there is a lot of pressure involved with the feeling of needing to be liked and outgoing, and it starts to add up. So when you start prioritizing your own peace, it can feel like you’re letting others down.
It is important to remember that choosing yourself is not about isolation; it’s about authenticity.
It’s about asking yourself, “Does this feel right for me?” Instead of worrying about making other people happy. It’s about recognizing your limits and needs, rather than ignoring them, because growth begins the moment you choose yourself instead of focusing on what you’re doing for others.
One of the hardest parts about choosing oneself is the guilt that can follow. For example, you might worry that you’re disappointing someone, or question if you’re being dramatic. You might feel lonely at first, but growth isn’t always glamorous – sometimes it’s a quiet process that requires you to let go of the things that were once familiar.
Despite the uneasiness that might come from choosing yourself, there is also a certain confidence that comes from knowing that you are acting in your own best interest.
Choosing oneself can also be walking away from situations that make you feel undervalued. It can even mean studying instead of a night out, or resting instead of trying to push through a burnout. Choosing yourself means having those difficult conversations and outgrowing a version of yourself that tolerated less than what you deserve.
The truth is, when you start choosing yourself, you teach others how to treat you.
It is important to show people that your time is valuable and that your energy is not unlimited. Setting boundaries makes things real, and the right people will respect that.
College is a time of learning and becoming. You are actively evolving, learning what you do and don’t like, what you believe and what you will and won’t accept from others. Choosing yourself is part of that evolution. It is not selfish to prioritize your well-being, and it is also not wrong to want clarity. And it is not unreasonable to protect your peace.
If anything, it’s mature.
Choosing yourself is not about losing others; it’s about discovering a stronger relationship with who you are and who you are becoming.
That is something worth choosing every time.