We’ve all been there, talking to one of our friends about their problems and how they should fix them. And for a moment, it clicks. That advice you’re giving them could partially be your subconscious trying to tell you how to solve your own problems. No one knows you better than you know yourself, but you still don’t take the advice. You’re blinded by emotion and doubt your own judgment. I’ve been battling with my fair share of problems taking my own advice. I hope that the things I’ve learned will be not only therapeutic for me to talk about, but that any reader will understand that sometimes you should take your own advice, too.
Invest in the people who invest in you
I can’t stress this one enough. I’ve spent so much of my life giving my energy to the wrong people, or not realizing the energy that other people are investing in me. With time being so scarce in college, you have to realize the people that are around you are investing effort into you. Whether their hope is for a friendship, a connection, or anything else, you need to understand that these are the only people that are worth your time. Some of the best advice I’ve received is that the people that love and care about you will let you know, and that if they don’t love or care about you, you’ll be confused.
It’s not your job to be everything for everyone
I’m not quite sure when exactly I placed this burden on myself, but not only was it unrealistic, but it left me incredibly unfulfilled. As I learn more about myself, I realize that we have to worry about our own comfort before anyone else’s. Not in a selfish or greedy sense, but you know yourself the best. It’s not fair to sacrifice your wellbeing for someone else’s. It’s not fair to expect anyone else to be more important or allow them to occupy more space than you. It’s not your job to make the conversation flow or to feel bad about someone else’s discomfort.
The idea of ‘forever’ is toxic
There are things and people in life that you will love wholeheartedly, and that is completely okay and essential to our wellbeing. We have to be all-in to feel what the most important and valuable things are in life. The idea that forever solidifies and validates that feeling is so harmful to our mentality. I know that the idea of forever not being a reality hurts. As long as you care about something, it will always hurt. I promise though, time can heal everything slowly. A part of growing up is realizing that there are so much more happiness and love in the future, but to see all that, you have to be looking forward.
People can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves
This one is pretty self-explanatory, but as I learn more about myself, I realize that a majority of people are confused. We’re at an age where we have to decide if some things are part of our identity or if they’re just a habit. As I learn more about my own identity, I realize it’s incredibly hard for someone to feel empathy when they are still figuring out that part about their own identity. It’s okay to give people the space necessary to find that out, but that’s not your journey, it’s theirs.
You are constantly growing
It’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s okay to not be the exact version of yourself that you want to be right now. You have to understand that growing up is a process of forgiveness and that you need to be patient above all else. Getting older, at least from my own experience, is a mix of growing pains and self-love. Those emotions are vital, and when you show that vulnerability, you’re brave.
Through all of this advice, all I can say is, you have to listen to your own instincts. You have to trust your judgment and give yourself the support that you would give your closest loved ones. It’s okay to be in a process of growth, but you can’t stay in the same place forever. This is the time of your life to be selfish in getting to know yourself.