If you’ve ever gotten into personal development TikTok, you’ll know that “know your worth” is a common phrase that gets tossed around quite frequently. They tell you to set boundaries, communicate your needs, and have the power to leave situations because you know your worth. Since I always found it vague, let’s define it.
For me, knowing your worth is about being your own “parent” and doing the things that are best for you. Whether that’s leaving situations that are harmful to you mentally and physically or communicating what your needs and boundaries are. It’s also the ability to rationalize that you are your most important priority and the ability to break those detrimental thought patterns.
As someone who can do those things somewhat consistently, I’d say that is just half the battle in your personal development journey. One common theme that’s come up frequently in therapy is the fact that I can do all those things and still not process anything.
Recently, I found that in moments of insecurity, I can rationalize how those damaging thought patterns are largely false. In my head, I can affirm all the positive qualities I have in addition to my inherent value, but that doesn’t make any of those emotions disappear.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve always needed to understand why you feel a certain way or what the root of the problem is, even if it’s a deep unconscious attachment wound from childhood (eye roll, I know). You believe that once you’ve found that reason and figured out how it’s affecting you today, you’ll be okay. No need to process all of those overwhelming emotions.
Unfortunately, I’ve found that the only way out is through. Otherwise, you’ll end up having outbursts of emotion and mental breakdowns over seemingly arbitrary things. Even though I hate when people say this, processing really is unique to every person, so you must find your own way to cope.
My go-to is what I call a physical manifestation, and no, it’s not an appropriated spiritual trend from TikTok. For me, this looks like working out or making crafts when I have the time. You need something to do while you’re stuck in that overwhelmed mental state. Making something with your hands or moving, in general, is a good way to release that energy.
If you’re more logical and need to organize your thoughts, I would recommend spaces where you can vent and get all of your thoughts out. This can be therapy, a friend you trust, or journaling. When you can hear or see what’s going on inside your head, it can help you break unconscious streams of thoughts. That isn’t to say filter yourself, but you’re able to become aware of what you’re thinking or feeling which is always the first step in processing.
Something new that I’ve added to my repertoire is sitting with those emotions and noticing the physical sensations. What emotion is it? Where do I feel the emotion in my body? How does it feel, and can I explain it? I’ll admit that when I heard these questions, I thought they seemed kind of dumb. But it gets you into a state where you’re actually observing yourself.
Knowing your worth is a good thing, but let’s not pretend that your emotions instantly dissipate into thin air when you know that something isn’t good or right for you. What I’m starting to get a grasp of is the fact that there is no destination in personal development. You can get good at one thing but then realize that you don’t handle X, Y, and Z well.
Sometimes it’s frustrating to be working toward a task that you can never really check off, but that’s a good thing isn’t it? I’d like to think that learning about yourself and growing as a person constantly is never a bad thing.