The Tercero Residence Halls at UC Davis are modern-looking buildings with an orange, tan, green, and cream palette. The boxy buildings are not too far from the UC Davis Dairy Teaching and Research Facility where the cows live, and they are surrounded by bike racks, grassy areas, and carefully manicured landscaping. The lounges have comfortable seating, and the shower stalls have doors, not just curtains. While the room I shared with my two roommates was cramped, my roommates were nice and I did not have any major conflicts with either of them. The dining commons also have many options and are centrally located. While some of the meals were not great, the desserts and waffles were delicious, and I certainly did not go hungry. So why did I not like living in the dorms?
Despite all my hopes and dreams about having the quintessential college dorm experience, I struggled to make friends and I felt constantly overwhelmed in the dorm environment during my first year. While I liked being only a short bike ride from all of my classes, it felt hard to relax or participate in hobbies I had previously enjoyed when everyone around me was constantly studying or going to class. As a more introverted person who enjoys their personal space, I also felt overwhelmed constantly seeing people everywhere. The hallways and communal bathrooms specifically gave me anxiety, and I found myself worrying about running into strangers and having to awkwardly interact when going to brush my teeth or take a shower. I quickly became tired of eating food from the dining hall and missed cooking my own meals. I missed doing things independently and having space, both physically and socially.
It is strange to feel like you need to get away from people while also being profoundly lonely and homesick. It seemed like everyone around me was making lifelong friends and unforgettable memories, but all I got was constant small talk and nods in the hallway. My lack of close friendships was not for lack of trying either. I talked to my hallway neighbors and went to many of the dorm events (such as pumpkin painting, movie nights, clothing swaps, and hot chocolate socials). I would try to study in the common areas, although this usually meant I got very little done. In the end, I mostly just spent time with my partner, who I had known from high school, and occasionally my roommate.
While my experience was vastly different and disappointing compared to what I had expected based on media portrayals of college dorms, these feelings are not uncommon for students. According to an article published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 2017, first-year students at the University of British Columbia on average believed that other students had more close friends and social acquaintances than they did. Living in the dorms, I definitely experienced this type of “social misperception,” especially since it seemed like people were hanging out in groups everywhere I went.
It is also important to note the astronomical price difference between living in the dorms and living off-campus. According to the 2021-2022 UC Davis Cost of Attendance, room and board for those living in residence halls was estimated to be $17,018, where room and board off-campus in Davis was estimated to be $11,551. Whether you live on or off-campus is taken into consideration when your financial aid is calculated (if you are eligible); however, in my experience, it was still much more expensive for me to live in the dorms.
While I have been much more comfortable in my living situation since moving off-campus, I am still grateful for many of the experiences I had living in the dorms. However, I also think it is important to challenge the notion that everyone will have the same idyllic experiences in college. For all the students who also did not love their dorm experience, and for all the students who missed living in the dorms due to online classes in the past year and a half: there are plenty of other ways to connect with people and make friends in college. It may take longer than you expect, and it may not come as naturally as it does in the movies, but that is okay, and you are not alone.