So, this past weekend I finally took a moment to look at my Google calendar, which is basically me resetting myself because I had been avoiding this for quite some time. Apparently, we are halfway through November, meaning we are definitely half way through the quarter. In fact, this quarter is in full speed, and it is not slowing down at all, but from the looks of it, I am.
I can say that I am more social and busier than I have ever been, which I love. Last year at this time I was taking thirteen units rather than seventeen units, and I was in three less organizations than I am now. And while I enjoy being involved and thrive off of crunching to meet deadlines, I have found that as more activities fill up my schedule, less often I have self-care as a foundational aspect of my routine. Lately, I have neglected the fact that I need it.
It is quite unlike me to act like things are not fine. Similar to many other college students, I totally throw out the “I’m fine; it’s fine” multiple times a day when someone asks me how I am, no matter what I have going on; however, recently I have had to come to terms with my reality: everything is not fine at the moment. I have often struggled with accepting that there are obviously going to be times in life when nothing seems to be working out, but right now saying “I’m fine” is not going to cut it.
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This quarter, although the most busy as well as the hardest of my college journey thus far, has simultaneously been the most rewarding while seeming like things have taken a sharp turn in the opposite direction. I have been struggling to keep my mental health at the same level that I hold my education and ambition, and at this point in the quarter, I hate to say it, but my motivation is low. I feel like I am simply moving through the weeks just scraping by hoping to make it to the end of the week unscathed or without forgetting to submit an assignment. I went a week where I did the bare minimum of the work I needed to do to stay somewhat active in my classes. Even worse, the idea that midterms and term paper deadlines were approaching was looming above me, and my only concern was the fact that for a while I wasn’t concerned at all. Right then, I knew that I was entering stress overload.
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I began by confiding in my friends, my housemate. She said something to me that I found to be so vital to the promise I have now made to myself: to remind myself to check in, not only on my friends, but on myself as well. She said, “No matter what, your feelings are valid.” And she told me it was okay, and that’s when I knew that it was okay to feel like things weren’t okay (and that I have amazing friends, too), and I want all powerful, collegiate womxn (and everyone) to know that there is nothing wrong with needing support. It does not signify weakness. So often, we give all we can to support others, and sometimes we forget about ourselves. I’ve just experienced that I don’t have much help to offer when I, myself, am struggling, too. This realization was my first step to self-care, and now I am promising that I will ask myself how I am doing rather than only asking others how they are or waiting for someone to ask me. Self-care is a priority. I hope you can make this same promise to yourself too.