It’s that time of year guys. I find myself in a rut this November as I observe my passions fleeing with the sun, the dedication I know was there two weeks ago suddenly slipping into hibernation, and purpose (which I need desperately) hiding away in some dusty vacant place in my mind. This is a pattern I know all too well. I have always been an ‘all or nothing’ person. Unfortunately, that typically leads to a burst of ‘all’…then a whole lot of ‘nothing’. September and October brought me deceiving dedication, easy excitement, and a foolish notion that it would last forever. Now, as I enter November’s detached doldrums, I realize it might be time to stomp my routined ebb and flow motivation out of existence once and for all. So today, with absolutely no real experience in this area, I am going to teach you how to do the same.
Implementation #1: trust that this will be the time you get it right.
I have a problem where my brain bases my entire worth and capabilities on what I have done in the past. I have to push myself really hard to believe I am able to do something I have no evidence I can do. I get my logic in that, but it is also so frustrating. While it is probably a practical way to think, it is also very cynical and damaging. If you go into something believing you will only reach where you have already been before, you are doing it wrong and cursing yourself into the same pattern. When I find myself motivated I already believe that it has an expiration date and, because I think that, it does. The number one thing I am going to implement to stop my motivation from leaving me again is a belief that I have control over that decision; it is not inevitable. Putting that responsibility on yourself will allow you to take control of your own happiness instead of believing you are thrown back into a cycle that will always lead to failure.
Implementation #2: look out for ‘future you’ first.
I think the fall off of my healthy habits is always caused by temporary joy or pleasure. Whether it comes in the form of procrastinating an assignment to sleep in, skipping the gym to go to a party, or choosing Gilmore Girls over writing, it always stems from prioritizing my most immediate happiness. The thing about immediate happiness is, that it is almost always surface level and most definitely always temporary. I sacrifice long-term contentment for immediate joy. Then, the next day, the fallout, the disappointment, and the shame were terrible consequences that I knew were coming. I choose immediate gratification knowing in the future I will have to deal with the disappointment of not studying enough for that midterm, not submitting that application in time, not feeding into my passions, and falling behind where I want to be. I think the best way to combat this terrible habit is to think of ‘future you’ as a different person. If I can’t look out for her as me, I will think of her as a teammate I’m letting down or a friend I’m giving terrible advice to. At the end of the day, this habit is just not kind. I get away with it because it is myself I am not being kind to, but maybe it’s time to stop making that okay.
Implementation #3: cut yourself some slack. As I said, I am an ‘all or nothing’ person. When I don’t look out for ‘future me,’ when I sacrifice long-term contentment for momentary joy, I feel my brain flip a switch. Once I mess up once, my whole attitude shifts. I think I feel like messing up confirms the fact that I’m not capable and my brain asks “Why am I bothering with any of this anyway?” This does two things: One, it enables me to make bad decisions because I believe I will make them either way at some point. And two, it lowers my self-esteem because my entire idea of self-discipline is riding on one little mistake. I think if I was just a little kinder to myself when I do something that maybe isn’t the best thing for me, it wouldn’t spiral into a series of mistakes. People aren’t perfect.
Endless motivation doesn’t exist, but I think simply changing my mindset on these three key things might kill the pattern of ebb and flow and build a better foundation as I enter adulthood.