As I sit down to write this, I am sitting alone in a hotel room, watching a ridiculous amount of Friends and trying to fill my time with making an insane amount of coffee to keep me awake. As I remind myself that I have “only 2 more hours until it is an acceptable time to go to sleep,” I try to brainstorm other things I can do to pass the time.
Due to my roommate having COVID, I have taken a few days to come to a hotel and sleep on a proper bed, instead of an old living room couch, for the duration of her isolation. But, if there’s one thing this relaxing weekend in a hotel has taught me, it is how to be okay with being on my own without getting too far into my thoughts and boredom. At first, I found myself sending my friends Snapchat videos of every idea I had so that I could “talk” to someone in some way. But, as I have been here a few more days and nights, I have begun to notice small things I can do to be more productive with my time and genuinely enjoy being with myself. Something people have always told me is that as you grow older, you begin to learn to love yourself and love spending time with yourself, and that was something I never really understood. And while I still don’t fully understand the idea, I can begin to see where this concept comes from and how it fits into adulthood.
Through my early experiences in adulthood (after all, I am still a student and only 21 years old) of managing my time with work and school, buying groceries, managing money to pay for rent and bills and gas, I have noticed how much independence I have seemed to gain. When I go home, I’m not as much of a bother to my parents as I can take better care of myself and help out more with my brother and my grandparents. But with this independence, also comes feelings of self-worth and learning to trust myself.
As I face more of the real world, I realize that I need to have more confidence in myself and my ability to do things, or else I am not going to get very far. Trusting and loving yourself can go an unbelievably far way as you grow older, gain responsibilities, lose friends, and overall begin to see how everyone really is there for themselves. And while that has always been seen as something that is extremely selfish — at least to me — am realizing that the connotation surrounding that isn’t accurate. Being there for yourself isn’t selfish — it’s realistic. Everyone really is only out there for themselves, because if they’re not, then who is?
Putting that aside, gaining new trust and love for yourself, and being there for yourself, results in actually enjoying spending time with yourself. Whether it’s when you’re sitting on your own reading a book, going grocery shopping by yourself, or putting in your headphones while you’re alone at work. Becoming okay with being on your own allows you to sit with your thoughts and be okay with not being constantly surrounded by other people so much that your social bubble gets drained. Anyways, if you take one thing from my incohesive rant about loving and trusting yourself, let it be that you are the only person you are guaranteed to be with for the rest of your life, so you might as well try to enjoy it.