As I come back to my family home from college, I see that some furniture has been rearranged in the living room, we have a new vacuum cleaner, and many other minute adjustments have been made. But, when I enter my room, I see that nothing has changed. It’s as if a moment in my life was captured like a picture and remains untouched, collecting dust along the way.
While lying in my childhood bed, staring at my old star-shaped night light, music posters, and other memorabilia I’ve accumulated as an adolescent, I can’t help but think about how fast time has gone by. When did this room become so foreign to me? How did I grow up so fast? Why does it feel like I can’t control how quickly everything around me is changing?
Going to college and moving out has been an extremely big chapter in my life. This period of time has taught me so many things — most of them being hard lessons that during the moment I cannot understand why I have to go through. Making countless errors and having to get back up and keep pushing has made me stronger, but sometimes instills a doubt that I may not always be able to get up. The pandemic has given us all a lot of time to be alone with our thoughts, which can seem like a black hole of infinite fear.
I know I’m still very young, but now that I’m considered an adult, even the simplest responsibilities like doing laundry or cooking for myself seem like such big tasks. And even worse, thinking about a future where I have no idea what it would be like is jarring, to say the least. It seems like I no longer have the sense of security I once did, like the way I feel in this room. Here, everything is predictable and comfortable.
But wanting to cling to the past will only prevent me from growing even further. I’m so proud of the progress I made and can’t wait to go through whatever else life has to offer me. Although it scares me how to navigate what’s next without a roadmap, I’m going to do my best to see the good in things. Taking each day to become a better version of myself than before is all I can do. Remaining eager to learn—inside and outside the classroom—is something I will always carry with me. Never losing sight of my worth, remembering the people I love most, and taking every mistake as a learning lesson are some of my biggest takeaways from 2021. Going into this new year, there are so many new hobbies I want to pick up, new changes I want to make to my wardrobe, new people I want to meet, the list goes on. Some days, I probably won’t get out of bed and instead choose to contemplate all of my life choices. But, through it all, I’m going to remain optimistic, because I owe it to myself.