With the expectations of dates, relationships, and hookups coming up around Valentine’s Day, it becomes easy for people to forget about their most important commitment: the one to themselves. Whether or single, taken, or in a “complicationship,” the first and foremost person you should treat, love, and care for is you. Caring for others is a great thing, but it can also be very all-consuming. The best thing you can do is keep yourself as first place in your mind.
One of the biggest aspects of self-love that people don’t consider is that you must trust yourself. When you don’t trust your own thoughts, emotions, or actions, you begin to ignore them. You will push away your feelings and desires for fear of others invalidating them. So you end up not telling people what you’re going through, assuming no one could possibly understand, and avoiding your true self to satisfy others. But in the end, it is you who has to make the choice. You have to decide to claim your power. Know that however you feel is valid, that people want to be there for you if you let them in, that you don’t have to shape-shift to make yourself smaller so others will feel bigger.
If you find yourself often surrounded by people, either platonic or romantic, who seem to put you down more than they lift you up, get out of that situation. You may think there will be no one else once you let them go, but that is so far from the truth. Trust yourself enough to know that people will love you wherever you go. The key is to know how you want to be loved and then tell others. As cliche as it sounds, the Perks of Being a Wallflower was right– when Sam asked Charlie, “Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?” and he replied “We accept the love we think we deserve.” If you do not appreciate yourself as a person deserving the best kind of love, you’ll find yourself settling for people who only give you half of what you deserve.
(GIF courtesy of “Perks of Being a Wallflower”)
It seems easy to say, but even I know it is hard to follow through with. What matters is that it is worth trying. You are worth it. If you don’t know where to start, fake it until you make it. Pick your favorite, most confident icon (or even make one up!) and act as if you have that same self-confidence. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, replace it with a loving affirmation from that icon. Even just for a day. Believe that this reality is controlled by you, what you put out into the universe will come back to you. Demand love and you will receive it, but it doesn’t matter from anyone else until you truly love yourself first. Because only then when you don’t need anyone else’s approval will you realize how to appreciate it. You deserve the best so expect that and nothing less. You will find someone who will give you all you want and more, as soon as you know you’re worth that. The only person you can depend on is you, so trust yourself, love yourself, and you will never need anyone else to give you value because you will have already known your value. They will be a mere reminder and supporter.
(Photo by hannah grace on Unsplash)
So, this Valentine’s Day, treat yourself in both small and big ways. Wear your favorite outfit, eat your favorite food, watch your favorite movies, take some time to fall in love with yourself and all the things unique to you, because you are so special. And if you have someone you want to spend the day with, tell them why you love them and don’t be afraid to want to hear it back. The time to love equally and endlessly instead of settle is now. Only surround yourself with people you love and you’ll learn you love yourself too. Because you’re pretty damn great. Now go show the world that too.