How Beauty Has Brought Me Peace

(Photo courtesy of colourpop)

For as long as I can remember, I've always seemed to have this underwhelming feeling of despair lingering in the back of my mind. Until one day, it wasn't just underwhelming anymore. Tried as I could, I couldn’t actively repress it any longer; as more and more time went on, the more dominant of a role it had on my everyday life. Come to think of it, I can't even pinpoint the exact moment of my youth that it became unbearable, but I can still remember how I felt when it consumed me. 


Trying to convince myself that "maybe I'm just in a funk", I tried everything I could think of to get out of it - from sports, to painting, to hiking; I even ran a marathon for christ's sake! And although they all brought me comfort in some way, I've never fully been at peace while participating in them. Somehow, I would still find my mind racing 20 miles a minute, always wandering back to the thoughts that I wished to keep buried. It wasn't until the end of my senior year, watching my sister do her makeup that I finally asked for a helping hand (yes, I didn't learn until I was heading into college! Totally okay!). As luck would have it, it was exactly what I needed.



Learning her routine, eyes before foundation as she would never let me forget, gave me time to focus. And the more and more I began to focus on getting my eyebrows to look even, the less and less my anxious mind had time to focus on anything else. From figuring out whether my foundation applies better with a brush or a beauty blender to which shade of concealer hides my undereye discoloration best, I was finally able to have 40 minutes to about an hour where I could just sit and focus on nothing more than my makeup routine. Music playing in the background, absentmindedly singing along and learning how to navigate the canvas of my face; it was only the beginning of all the fun.


As someone who feels the incessant need to “get it right”, being in front of a mirror while doing my makeup gave me the room I needed to breathe every morning. The better and better I became at the actual application, the more interested I became in makeup "looks" as opposed to an everyday type of makeup. Makeup no longer had to be something I needed to conquer. It could be fun! It could be playful! From being inspired by my sister to beauty gurus to tv series like Euphoria and POSE to intricate face templates, the happier I feel when discussing beauty products. Especially with the holiday season coming up and how it influences beauty choices, the more I feel that makeup has evolved from something that helps me slow down my thought process but also gives my creativity a boost.

(Photo courtesy of @milk1422 on instagram)


However, with makeup, comes learning more about your skin type. As some would think, or as I thought when beginning my makeup adventure, I “knew” exactly what products would be good on my face. But occasionally, I would find myself irritated in finding blemishes and pimples due to products having negative effects on my skin. Being honest with myself, I knew it was something that anyone would feel somewhat self-conscious about and so I tried not to be too hard on myself. 


Instead, I delved into a new world of products that were calling my name: a world of facial self care! This included moisturizing, exfoliating, face washes and facemasks. This even meant taking off my makeup on the nights where I didn't want to. Yes ladies, even the nights when it's 3 in the morning and we're barely getting home after a long night out with the girls! Your skin will thank you in the morning, every time. 


As I learned the differences between dry skin and oily skin types, I began to learn what products I needed in order to achieve the “clear face” look I wanted so desperately. Once I figured that out for myself, I even became overjoyed to help others find what works for them. From helping my teenage brothers going through puberty to my mom hunting for new products as her skin changes, and even trying to convince my boyfriend to moisturize his face. I quickly realized that sometimes the fun isn’t in actual application but in finding the recipe.

(Photo courtesy of thriveglobal)


Falling in love with glamifying has been a wild ride. There's been eyebrow threading nightmares, there's been bad skin reactions, and there's even been bad blending (as much as I hate to admit it). However, there has also been finding products that I hope to use for years to come, there's been the witnessing of my skin clearing up, and most importantly, being introduced to the “look good, feel good” mindset.