Still struggling with what to be for Halloween? Desperate for some last-minute inspiration?! Here are some truly spooky costumes that will surely scare the ZOT out of all your friends.
Author’s Note: For an enhanced reading experience, consider listening to this spooky melody as you scroll.
10. Ant Eater
No, not anteater!! Ant *space* eater! Rock this bold look for the spooky season in three easy steps:
1) Dress up like your favorite utensil. Personally, I’m a spork kind of girl, but it’s your costume so be creative!
2) Invest in a jar of ants.
3) Carry the jar with you to your classes and enjoy its contents by the spoonful! Make sure to sit close to as many people as possible to maximize the #ASMRtingles caused by your crunching (If your costume blocks the view of people behind you that’s an added bonus). Your peers and teachers will LOVE you.
Eat those ants!!
**Shout out to the haters in my middle school Photography class who called my Photoshop skills “not great.”
9. ZotFinder
Like the legendary, iconic, barely-functioning app itself, you can navigate campus in search of your own ZOTs. Utilize your detective skills and nifty magnifying glass to figure out where you are and what direction you are facing. As you cruise around campus in your ZotFinder fit, offer assistance to first-years who are lost and looking for their buildings. But instead of giving useful directions, glitch out on them and walk away.
Detect those ZOTs like a BOSS.
8. Aldrich Park Falling Branch (APFB)
For best results, consume alcohol right before you debut this provocative costume. As an APFB, sway around campus and howl, “Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!” among other windy colloquialisms. Finally—to really make an impression—yell out “CRACK!” and crash into unsuspecting people near you.
Warning! *topples over*
7. Ghost of Shocktober Past
Don’t bother to wash your outfit from Shocktober because guess what? You can reuse it come Halloween night! Hopefully the hot sweat from Shocktober night will have made your clothes extra crusty and nasty. That’s good! To really pull off the look, spray your eyes with a mild irritant to get them to a nice shade of red before you head out for the day.
Instead of walking to class, bop your way to class (I recommend the classic side-to-side shuffle). If people try to talk to you, yell, “What I can’t hear what you’re saying LOL!!” Whatever you do, don’t ever stop bobbing your head up and down. The occasional, off-pitch: “Big bank take lil’ bank (bank)! Type of money you gon’ need a safe! Yuhh!” is always great to add in as you twerk around campus.
Channel your inner Kristen Wiig and be the Sweaty Queen of Halloween!
6. Aggressive Petitioner
For this one, you really need to get into people’s faces. Stare at them until they’re forced to make eye contact. Pull out their headphones, if necessary. Bait them with clickbait questions that have nothing to do with your cause (e.g., “Do you like frozen yogurt?” *yes* “Sign this petition to increase student parking spaces!).
If they ask for a pen to sign your petition, kindly ask them if they have one. Wait for them to shuffle through their backpack for a pen, steal the pen after they sign the petition, and walk away to your next victim.
Finger pointing is a playful, effective way to target petition-signers!
Finger pointing is a playful, effective way to target petition-signers!
5. UC V-E-G-A-N
Preparation: Buy a cute animal costume. Use scissors to partially tear it up. Paint it red.
Halloween Day: Wear your slaughtered-animal costume to school. Bring chalk to campus and write hateful speech shaming meat eaters everywhere you can. Blast slaughterhouse ASMR through speakers (my personal favorite: pig squealing moments before death compilation).
I encourage the more advanced role-player to bring a can of biodegradable pepper spray to school and spray it into the eyes of unsuspecting passersby. Really get in their faces and shout, “This is what it’s like for animals! Do you like being blind? Neither do they! They are blind to the cruelty we subject them to! But we can change! *spray again* We can make a difference!”
Last but not least, self-promote! Check out this article (written by me) for more tips on how to be vegan. #ad
The ghost of dinners past.
4. Ring Road Trump Supporter(s)
This can be a delightful couples costume! The more the merrier! All participants should wear a Make America Great Again red cap, Trump clothing and accessories, and carry a speakerphone. Be prepared to project your voices! The best part of this costume is how interactive it can be in allowing you to share your unsolicited political views with your local community. So shout and shame everyone around you! Call out girls who expose their ankles! Tell guys to pull up their sagging pants! You get the idea.
If you don’t look like this guy, you’re doing it wrong.
3. Mesa Court Trash Panda
This costume is a great guise if you’ve ever considered selling your soul to a life of crime and thievery. Dressed as a trash panda on Halloween night, you can get away with:
- Stealing people’s backpacks
- Stealing people’s grocery bags
- Hissing at people
- Scratching people who come too near
- Hiding in trash cans
And still look cute the entire time!
2. Ring Road Police Officer
*Oprah voice* “You get a ticket, you get a ticket, you get a ticket!”
Protect the purity of Ring Road! Keep the people safe! Take out the real criminals of Irvine!
1. $5 Boba Tea
Wh-wh-what h-h-appened t-to two d-dollar b-boba?
Ngl, I just peed my pants a little.