To whomever can relate,
Surreal is how I would describe my current experience. I feel like I’m living an endless nightmare that I’m trying to wake up from. I keep hoping to hear that sound of my irritating alarm that jolts me from my deep slumber and allows me to seek comfort in the normalcy of reality as the nightmare dissolves. But here and now is my new reality, I am no longer comforted by the familiarity of my routine or waking up to whatever this is.
Everything has changed. My environment has changed. Time has changed, speeding up one second and dragging on the next. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I’ve been in denial of its existence, numbing me of fear of its contagious and lethal power. The overwhelmingly increasing numbers of fatalities from this virus have been surreal and hard for me to comprehend. Of course, I’ve been completely abiding by the “stay-at-home order” regardless! But I can’t see nor feel it, so why should I be afraid?
My dad is my biggest reason. He works in the front-lines as an essential worker at a local grocery store, exposed to the virus and to carriers that could pass it onto him. Every day is the same since we’ve developed a ritual for preventing the possibility of exposure. As soon as he comes through the front door, we hold off our usual greetings of a hug and a kiss (typical to my Latin culture) until he has fully washed his hands and taken off his work attire. He begins by peeling off his gloves and we dispose of them. He then immediately frees his face from the mask he wears at all times, which he hangs on the doorknob, ready for use in the next outing (a box of masks cost him $30 from a local scalper). Next, he slips out of his shoes on the doormat, which he carries over to a designated spot. The last step is for him to wash his hands and change out of his work clothes. My sisters or my mom usually tackle cleanup throughout the week, disinfecting the doorknob and mopping the wooden floors consistently. Besides our ritual to prevent contagion, we strengthen his immune system with vitamin supplements and an antioxidant-rich breakfast. Doing this every day, we get some peace of mind. But in my case, the effects of quarantine have been another story, mainly about boredom and going crazy.
The wildest part about this pandemic is its timing. This event followed after a series of bad events that have also had a global impact. I’m not saying I’m a “Doomsdayer”, but it sure seems like this year is not going to be a positive one to remember. And it’s only the fourth month of the year! What could possibly be next, an actual alien invasion? I wouldn’t be surprised at this point, but if 2020 is going to have one more laugh at humanity, please let the next big event be less deadly and a little more exciting.
Anyways, thanks for making it to the end of my letter!
Take care,
Kimberly Ramirez
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Hi Outside World,
I hope you are doing well. Who would’ve thought this situation would have ended up this way? I remember hearing the news in early January and thought nothing of it. And here we are currently with almost the entire world in quarantine to ensure the safety and lives of oneself and others. Every single life has changed and routines that have been developed for years disappeared abruptly.
Before the shelter-in-place, I was awakened by my alarms Monday through Friday signaling to get ready, eat breakfast, walk to class, complete assignments, and procrastinate. A routine that I have been used to for the past three years of my college life. Now I am confined back at home in the Bay Area. And no, it is not like it is summer. From rise and shine to slumber, I am with my entire family 24/7 because my parents decided to close their restaurant for safety and my brothers are working from home. We each had our own lives but now we live the same life together. This is not a family reunion. Arguments that seem so small are now magnified. It feels like I am back in high school again with my parents treating me like a child that has no perception of responsibilities. It is frustrating but I understand.
Nothing is the same.
Procrastination is more evident than ever. Each day seems harder to be motivated and even do the simplest tasks is exhausting, like waking up to attend Zoom lectures and discussions as if nothing was going on in the outside world. And it is hard to ignore it. Whether I am on my laptop or going out to buy essential supplies, there are constant reminders of this pandemic, the lives lost, new cases emerging daily, and the uncertainty of when the whole fiasco will end─making it more difficult to perform daily tasks. How can I focus on my work when I cannot even see the light at the end of the tunnel?
Feelings of fear are prevalent every single day. I am afraid that every time I go out to buy groceries I have contracted the virus and have brought it back to my family, especially to my dad who smokes, or unknowingly spread the virus. I am terrified that when people see me I will get verbally or physically attacked because of news consistently reporting Asians innocently getting attacked every day. It is ironic how a situation like this can either bring out the best and worst of humankind. I cannot help but feel disappointed, frustrated, and fearful in the world.
Nothing will ever be the same.
Even when we eventually resume back to our old daily life, nothing is really going to be the same. We cannot simply ignore the problems that happened. Talks of racism, our healthcare system, and our government roles will arise. Other people might even come out of this with profound insight or immense graciousness. Personally, this situation as of right now has probably made me more pessimistic but this might just be me as an angsty college student. However, I remain hopeful that this pandemic will at least bring awareness about our systems’ flaws just for the sake of my mental health.
Anyways, thank you for reading this letter if you got this far. Stay healthy and well. We will get through this together and come out of this stronger than ever!
Best,
Angelina Ho