I hate overthinking. Overthinking sucks. The life of an overthinker was not what I signed up for. Why must I be this way?
I hate overthinking about the simplest things. I hate it because I can turn the simplest things into the most complex things. For instance, I have to set up multiple alarms because I’m scared I won’t be able to wake up without them. When I recently missed my flu shot appointment, I freaked out and got so anxious because I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to make another one. When I am talking loudly in the privacy of my own room, I get self-conscious about whether others can hear me.
I hate overthinking about how other people perceive me. Following the advice of ignoring what others say about you doesn’t resonate with me at all. I’m always curious about people’s thoughts about me. Do they like me? Do they not like me? Am I annoying them? Do I seem weird to them? Am I too much? Am I not enough? Do they see me as a burden? This is especially true for friends and family; it is even more intense for those I don’t exactly vibe with.
Usually, I expect that if I don’t vibe with someone, it means they don’t like me or don’t want to have anything to do with me. Or if I’m with a group of people and I’m put to the side and often ignored, I would immediately assume the same thing. Whenever I stumble upon these kinds of situations with people, I get scared. My thoughts overwhelm me.
I hate overthinking about my mistakes. Sure, everyone makes mistakes. However, I try to avoid them as much as possible so I don’t make a fool of myself. If I do make mistakes, especially ones that cause harm, annoyance, inconvenience, or any trouble to others, my anxiety skyrockets. My heart starts to beat nervously, and I would instantly assume they don’t like me anymore. Even when I apologize to someone for my mistake and they forgive me, I start to approach and perceive them differently. I could never look at them without thinking about the mistake I made towards them, and that maybe I am defined by my mistake despite it being resolved. Overthinking about this puts me in a great state of unease.
I hate overthinking about how I act every day. In moments where I’m socializing with people I vibe with, being myself is a piece of cake. Typically, whenever I get comfortable with certain people, I would get loud here and there. But when I reflect afterwards, I overthink that my personality is strange or too much for those present. I feel like I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and stayed quiet since I was being a disturbance. Sometimes, when someone confirms it, I shut down or become meticulously self-conscious about how I act in favor of not disappointing them. I could never know what it would be like to deal with someone like me. It would satisfy me to see myself through someone else’s eyes just to learn about how I am viewed and what kind of person people perceive me as.
I hate overthinking about what will possibly happen upon choices and decisions I make. The future is inevitable. Most of the time, I don’t look forward to what will come. Making choices and decisions, even for the smallest and simplest of things, could potentially make a significant impact on my life.
I hate overthinking to the point that I want to cry. My thoughts would get so pressuring and extreme that I become emotionally sad. Even when people reassure me, I feel like they are lying just to make me feel better. Or even worse, they want me to stop being emotional so they can relax and not deal with me anymore.
I hate overthinking… but I can’t help it. It is a constant mental challenge I have to deal with on a daily basis.