I recently watched the Stranger Things finale in theaters, with my parents. I felt the usual sadness one feels when they realize they’ll never see something again for the first time: no more new episodes, characters, or music. The show had ended. I could only ever rewatch it from now on. I’ll never feel the surprise or suspense that the show gave me again. However, what I didn’t expect was this unexplainable feeling of sorrow and grief I felt for multiple days after. This is the first time I’ve been alive long enough to see a show that impacted my generation’s culture so greatly begin and end. In a way it felt as if my childhood had ended. The actors and actresses who I’d grown up with were now full grown adults, I was a full grown adult, and that was something I hadn’t really been faced with so directly before.
As a kid, I always wanted to “grow up” quicker, or pretend to be “grown up,” but now that I’m sort of an adult, I don’t know why I ever wished my young age away. I’ve been wondering recently, why do we call aging “growing up?” Aside from the biological expansion of our height upwards toward the sky, I don’t know if I necessarily feel more “up” than I did as a kid. In fact, I think I had a lot more figured out when I was younger than I do now. Everything seemed possible. I could be anyone or anything I wanted, and there was nothing that could stop me. I once told my mom at the age of six a theory I had. I told her that I believed that past, present, and future all existed together as the present was the future to the past, and the present was the past to the future. Therefore all people exist in one timeline. I’d say that’s a pretty big idea for a six year old, and if I’m being honest, I’m not sure if I had an idea truly so complicated in a while.
As a young child, all experiences are new and they were the greatest thing to have ever happened. They allowed me to think, and learn, and become who I wanted to be. Yet, as the biological timeline moves forward, these experiences become old habits making the days feel as if they are passing by at an increased speed. When you’re “grown up,” everything you once dreamed of, you realize, have a lot more barriers and obstacles to overcome. It isn’t easy to achieve what you dream. A lot of the time it feels as if the world is pushing down on you, quite the opposite of moving upwards. You learn people aren’t invincible. You see people who once seemed like they were on top of the world, diminish into a fraction of who they once were.
However, the trials of the upward expansion of my life has taught me many things, and I’ve tried to embody these lessons in recent months. I’ve tried to think back to my little self, and become in touch with her once again. One thing I’ve really tried to do is have completely new experiences everyday. I don’t want my life to feel as if it’s slipping by, I want to live, and this is one way to make time feel slower. I also want to try and do the hobbies I liked doing as a kid. I loved record shopping, making photo collages, and going outside. I want to make time for those things so I can feel reunited with that version of myself. Though growing up isn’t easy, it’s important I don’t forget who I used to be as I continue on in this life.