I’ve never considered myself artistically gifted, whether it was painting or dancing. You know it’s bad when I’ve had to pretend to be tone deaf to avoid the mic during late night karaoke. But the one I was the worst at is the art of spending time alone. Whether it was a meal, hitting the gym, or even walking to class, I needed someone to do it with.
This is what my day looks like on average, a snippet of my packed bCal.
2:30 p.m. Binge with Sarah
5:00 p.m. Dinner with Brandon
6:30 p.m. Doe lock-in with the girls!
9:00 p.m. Gym with June
And thus, my day begins and ends surrounded by the type of people I dreamt of being friends with when I was younger. Yet, admittedly, I’ve never felt more alone.
In the midst of the hustle and bustle, the countless friend dates and meet-ups, I’ve forgotten the art of spending time alone. A moment of boredom almost feels wrong, and the muscle memory to turn on Spotify, check my messages, or scroll on social media acts quickly. In a time when there is always something to be doing or someone to reach out to, it’s common to perceive time spent alone as a flaw. I feel if I’m doing something on my own, it’s because I didn’t have someone to do it with, not because I’m choosing to spend time by myself.
And if I’m not with people doing something, seeking connection through social media is the next step. Whether it’s checking up on friends through Instagram updates or letting Gilmore Girls run in the background for the umpteenth time just so sound fills the room, the absence of silence has become normalized. And it’s starting to be a problem.
Let me be clear, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with people. Humans thrive on connecting with others, forming deeper relationships at a time in life where the energy to do so exists and there is a relative lack of responsibility to do so. But it shouldn’t be at the expense of our real day ones, the ones who have seen all faces of us and still chosen to stay—our very own selves.
But what I’ve come to realize, through Reddit rabbitholes and psychologist talks on YouTube, is that we need to be more intentional with downtime. Whether it’s the walk to Dwinelle or the bus ride back from Trader Joe’s, take a moment and let your thoughts run wild. And don’t be afraid to spend time alone.
So go to that bakery you’ve been meaning to try in SF, do that fire trails sunset hike, or study in SoDoI. But do it for yourself. Enjoy your time alone, rather than seeing it as a chore. And never forget to choose yourself, time and time again.