Last weekend, my boyfriend and I skimmed through old photos of us, reminiscing about the early days of our relationship. In between laughs and cringes, he pointed something out that I hadn’t noticed before in our recent photos. “Your hair looks so wavy!”
I smiled a bit as I processed this, and then half-jokingly and lovingly said: “It’s your fault.”
I then went on to explain the “Curly Hair Theory,” which I’m sure most of us hopeless romantics are familiar with. The “Curly Hair Theory” describes the phenomenon of a girl’s hair getting curlier or more wavy the more she falls in love. It supposedly indicates that a girl is with her soulmate, or has finally found her person.
It’s a trademark of what society deems as “successful and happy” couples. But is there any merit to it? Can we really chalk up our love lives to arbitrary changes in appearance as a reliable indicator of true love?
Part of what makes the “Curly Hair Theory” so appealing is how often it shows up, especially in famous romance movies and media. Andie’s hair in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days gets progressively more curly as she spends more and more time with her love interest, Benjamin. In the closing scene, Andie’s hair is a haphazard array of curly cues and beachy waves, a startlingly lively contrast to how it looks at the start: pin-straight and neatly brushed in a side part.
In popular teens’ TV shows like The Vampire Diaries and Outer Banks, fans have pointed to the “Curly Hair Theory” as a sign of which male lead is a better match for the female protagonists. But it’s not just on screen that the “Curly Hair Theory” demonstrates its validity; it also appears in real life.
Shortly after her relationship with Louis Partridge was confirmed at the end of 2023, Olivia Rodrigo’s wavy hair that she rocked on tour was attributed to the “Curly Hair Theory” and used by, albeit, downright delusional fans as solid proof that the couple was in love. Hundreds of thousands of TikToks shared by girls support the theory as well, showing pictures of their pin-straight or slightly wavy hair at the beginning of their relationships contrasted with their new 4C curls and perfect beach waves that “appeared” as they spent longer with their partner.
Although it does appear there is no scientific explanation to back up the “Curly Hair Theory”, there are certainly still explanations for why people seem to see this transformation.
One is that, as a girl gets more comfortable with her partner, she starts to dress more comfortably around them: wearing less makeup, wearing baggier and more comfortable clothing, and wearing her natural hair. The comfortability one experiences in a relationship does not only extend to their partner, but also extends to themselves.
“The comfortability one experiences in a relationship does not only extend to their partner, but also extends to themselves.”
As most love fanatics will tell you, the right person will “bring out the best in you” and fall in love with you “for just being you.” So, as girls become more comfortable in their relationships, they also become more comfortable just being themselves. They wear their hair more naturally, bringing out the curls that many of us interpret as outward signs of real love.
With the increasing pressure of beauty standards for women around the globe, changes in appearance are often treated as indicators of something deeper- whether or not we are happy, confident, or even in love. It’s more common for girls to straighten, curl, and “do-up” their hair as part of their everyday routines, even at the risk of damaging their own hair’s health.
I could then compare the “Curly Hair Theory” to another smaller theory circulating on TikTok which also interprets physical changes as evidence of what is happening inside people’s relationships. Users show pictures of their skin prior to or after failed relationships, clear and acne-free, compared to their skin during, adorned with blemishes and blackheads. These TikToks often conclude that “your body rejects people who aren’t right for you.”
While it is fun to entertain these theories on love, they are not things that should be taken as absolute indicators of “true love” or whether or not someone is “the right one.” The “Curly Hair Theory” does, however, tell us something about what we as a society- and this generation in particular- value in relationships and love. Comfortability, vulnerability, and assurance between partners are often what allows beauty to shine through. But beauty must also be measurable. It must be obvious. It must be universal.
“Comfortability, vulnerability, and assurance between partners are often what allows beauty to shine through.”
Beauty is a very significant value in society today, and the assumption that love makes us prettier does not just make beauty enticing, but makes relationships enticing, too.
We are obsessed with what we can “see”. Obsessed with “seeing” love and recognizing it, rather than what we can actually learn through people’s interactions and behaviors. The “Curly Hair Theory” may not even be about love at all. Maybe it reflects our desire to make something as complicated and invisible as love tangible- to turn a feeling into something we can photograph, compare, and point to as proof that we have finally found our person.