I’m probably one of the last people you would expect to write an article about enjoying being alone.
I love talking. Like, a lot. I love meeting new people, making plans, going out and somehow turning a five-minute conversation into an hour-long one. If there’s something happening, chances are I want to be there.
So, naturally, for the longest time, doing things alone felt wrong.
If I wanted to get matcha, I asked someone to come with me. If I wanted to go shopping, I texted a friend. If I wanted to grab food, I immediately started thinking about who might be free. And if no one was? Well, apparently neither was I.
And it wasn’t that I couldn’t do these things alone. Obviously, I was perfectly capable of walking into a cafe and ordering a matcha without moral support. I just didn’t understand why I’d want to. I think I’d accidentally convinced myself that enjoying my own company somehow contradicted being the social person I’d always been. I associated being alone with being lonely, and associated being lonely with something being wrong.
College made that feeling even weirder.
There’s always someone around. Someone’s getting food. Someone’s studying. Someone’s going out. Someone’s asking if you want to come over. And as an extrovert, I love that. Being around people genuinely gives me energy. But I’ve also started realizing that constantly being around people can make it surprisingly easy to forget what it feels like to just be with yourself.
So, I started doing little things alone.
I’d get matcha between classes without asking who wanted to come. I’d put my headphones on and walk around campus. I’d go somewhere because I wanted to go, without first figuring out whether someone else wanted to go, too.
The first few times, it felt weird.
I was suddenly extremely aware of the fact that I was sitting by myself, as if everyone in the coffee shop had stopped what they were doing to investigate why I’d arrived without a friend.
Spoiler alert: They didn’t care (thank God).
And eventually, something even stranger happened.
I started enjoying it.
There’s a kind of freedom in doing something without having to coordinate with anyone else. I can go wherever I want, stay as long as I want, and change my plans halfway through. I can listen to the same song four times while strolling around campus, and no one has to know about it.
But if college has taught me anything so far, it’s that I don’t have to choose. I can love being surrounded by people and still appreciate the moments when it’s just me. And if I’ve already learned that much about myself, I’m pretty excited to see what the next four years have in store.
I’m sure most of those years will be filled with new friends, spontaneous plans, and probably a lot more talking than necessary. But I hope there are plenty of quiet moments mixed in, too.
Some days, I want to be surrounded by everyone I love.
And some days, it’s just me, myself, and my matcha.