When I turned 14, I kissed a girl, and I liked it. Exploring my sexuality was and is a process I still haven’t completed. I was part of a large group of people who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, and they often talked about it. Before meeting them, I never thought about also being in the community, but I knew I never had huge crushes on guys either. What I did know was I often thought my female friends were gorgeous and itched to spend more time around them, or sometimes be close to them. The more time passed (and a couple specific people came in and out of my life), the more I realized that I, too, like girls.
The realization was not a difficult one, but I kept it to myself. I was accepting, allowed myself to explore, and gave myself grace in finding my identity. I was often asked what label I belonged to: “Well, are you a lesbian? Are you bisexual? Pansexual?” I never responded with the same answer. Some days I didn’t know, some days I was a lesbian, and some days I was bisexual. For the longest time, I felt like the girl without a community. And if there’s no label, then how do you belong to one?
As someone who’s guilty of having asked people to share their labels, pressured people to explore, or pushed them to make a “choice,” I now advocate for pushing back on labels. While learning more about myself, I maintained a fear of being wrong about my sexuality. What if I change my mind? What if I’m doing this for attention? What if it’s just a phase? I read every source you can think of. I took Buzzfeed Quizzes, read the Lesbian Manifesto, and watched countless videos about labelling myself. But none of them told me I didn’t need a label.
Labels can be powerful, but they can also be confining. When we label ourselves, sometimes we feel stuck in that space, or we feel judged if we change. Sexuality is endlessly fluid. Each one of us exists on the sexuality spectrum. What is true one day doesn’t take away from what’s true another day; so why attempt to place ourselves, or one another, into imaginary boxes? What if instead of being connected by label-oriented communities, we’re connected by our desire to love, seek love, and be loved? Because in the end, we’re all more alike than we are different.