This is old news, but one of the internet’s new favorite vocabulary words is “nonchalant.” Dictionary definition aside, the term seems to be used to refer to people who appear aloof, uncaring, and disinterested. At first glance, it might look like nothing more than just another social media aesthetic. With deeper analysis, though, I’ve realized how much it reveals about how we view the most human of tendencies: to care, to have emotions, to desire, and to share ourselves with others.
“Nonchalance” tends to describe behavior that appears effortless, as if someone isn’t actively trying to accomplish anything. It encourages people to present themselves as disengaged, indifferent, and unfeeling. In practice, this means doing the bare minimum in public, or anywhere others can perceive you. For example, intentionally waiting before responding to a text to seem “busy.” For some reason, this sort of “nonchalance” is praised and pursued in some online spaces.
The irony of it all is, of course, that this attempt to appear “effortless” requires a ridiculous amount of effort. There are a number of effortful considerations to make when you want to seem like you don’t care, like you don’t have complicated emotions or overwhelming desires.
Thinking it over, it’s really disturbing. Why do we want to seem careless, unemotional, apathetic, and distant? What about our families and friends? What about the natural flow of human emotion? What about passions and goals? What about deep, intimate relationships? Especially in this time of social atomization, immense bigotry, and numerous international crises, why are we glorifying this extreme individualism? These are questions that I still can’t answer.
All I know is that I refuse to be “nonchalant,” even if it’s encouraged. Even if it seems like it would be easier than being honest about who I am. Ultimately, I think it’s important to actively care about things. To advocate. Even to care about caring itself. That’s what fuels meaningful experiences and positive changes in the world.
Regardless of what people think about me as a result, I care about showing care to others. I’ll do my best to remember people’s names, the one-off mentions of what’s going on in their lives, the inside jokes and references. I’ll like every Instagram story that makes me smile. I’ll give compliments whenever I see good work. I’ll respond in the group chat when no one else does. And, yes, I’ll thoroughly answer every text as soon as I’m able. I won’t be ashamed of it, either.
I’ll be enthusiastic about the things that matter to me. I’ll volunteer to help with tasks that I value. I’ll be vulnerable about the successes, the struggles, and everything in between.
In a world full of so much deception, I want to be honest. I want to be like the people I admire most, who demonstrate immense consideration for others in everything they do. I’m tired of this obsession with appearances, and I won’t be the least bit “nonchalant” in saying it.