This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UBC chapter.
I will admit it – I haven’t had a sober Halloween since I turned 19 and realised the only treat I would ever happily consume is Coffee Crisp. This year, I turned over a new leaf. Ok fine, I didn’t really have a choice in the matter, seeing as I had the night shift at the club where I work. The best part, though? I got to observe all the drunk party-goers and their hilarious antics. Here is what I’ve learned during my sober Halloween.
1. Personal space doesn’t exist.
It doesn’t matter if you’re separated by a 4-foot tall, 10-inch thick wall of wood, people will try their darn hardest to get their faces as close to you as possible. And then that’s when they attack you with their candy corn and beer breath. Yum.
2. Bad jokes run amok.
I’m a fan of bad jokes, but usually, they’re only fun the first time. Pair bad jokes with drunk people, and you’ve got a never-ending wave of the same cringeworthy joke told by a single person who just can’t seem to remember he’s already used it 23 times.
“What do ghosts eat for dessert? Ice scream.”
3. Tables are for dancing on.
It’s all great and dandy until the security guards pull you off the table and decide you’re too drunk and a hazard to other partiers. I have no idea what happens to you after you step out that door, but I sincerely hope you got home safe.
4. “Have you seen someone dressed as the Joker?”
I’m sorry to say I have seen 7 Jokers here tonight. Are you looking for the one in the green wig, the one who didn’t even bother with a wig, or the Joker card? Sorry mate, I don’t think I can help you there.
5. People forget what their costumes look like.
Folks, I am not joking anymore. People will forget that they have tassels glued to every visible part of their costumes, and you will at some point be attacked in the face by a tassel monster. Some friendly advice for next Halloween… prepare to stop, drop, and roll (away to safety).
Jokes aside, I hope everyone had a fabulous Halloween. If not, there’s always next year. Or the year after that.