Girl hate is when women decide it’s okay to put other women down simply because they don’t share the same ideals or lifestyle. By allowing jealousy and resentment to come before fair judgement, we make ourselves feel better by justifying that we are the “better” females of society. False. There is absolutely no such thing as a “better” female, because every girl has the freedom to be whoever she wants to be.
“Ew, why does she wear so much make-up? Who’s she trying to impress anyways?” Girl hate. “I don’t really know her but I bet she’s a total slut from the way she dresses every day.” Girl hate. “Those shoes are hideous! God, I would never wear them. What’s her deal?” Girl hate. “Why does she walk like that? It’s like she WANTS people to notice her all the time.” Girl hate. “I bet she doesn’t even shave, isn’t that so gross?” Girl hate. “Just because she was on the team for 2 years she thinks she’s better than everyone; arrogance is never pretty.” Girl hate. And the list goes on.
Even as a girl on the verge of adulthood, I can recognize that girl hate can come from women of all varieties. That being said, regardless of what age, size, etc. you may be, you could always distinguish the strong women because they’re the ones building each other up instead of tearing each other down. It is heart-crushing when women spend all their time striving to adhere to an arbitrary set of rules (how to dress, act, think), which they then force onto other women as a way of affirming society’s conception of ideal womanhood. We should be celebrating our diversity instead of conforming to ideals created by the patriarchy.
In a nutshell, owning a cuter pair of shoes, having stronger eyeliner game, better grades, or a significant other in your life does not make you the more “superior” female. Neither does insulting or bashing other women who are the opposite of these ideals. To help you get over this destructive form of woman against woman hate, here are 3 simple tips to bring back the love:
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1. JEALOUSY IS A NATURAL FEELING. It normal to feel defeated or threatened by competition, especially from the same gender, but understand that it is usually temporary and VERY COMMON. It is a constant struggle to overcome this emotion, but perpetuating it just makes you look like smelly cheese bubbling up on a hot summer day – a HOT MESS! Instead of wallowing in such negativity, take a step back, breathe, and clear your mind for a few seconds. Maybe have a tiny rant to another close gal pal of yours, and move on. Life is too short to be constantly comparing and pitting yourself against other girls who are dealing with their own struggles. Think of it this way: you spend all this time pinpointing her flaws, when you could be working on yourself instead.
2. OPINION SHOULD ALWAYS BE BASED ON LOGIC. It is, of course, very logical to generate an opinion on someone based on how s/he has treated you in the past or is likely to act towards you in the future, whether good or bad. But ladies, let’s be real, if you circulate false judgment on another girl who has done absolutely no wrong to you, or based purely off of the way she presents herself – through speech, behavior, etc. – then that is not a very fair opinion. That is just strictly girl hate. Has she got anything to do with your situation? So you don’t like the way she does her hair, but has she ever talked bad about you? Do you really want to waste that much energy telling other people this sort of false accusation, before full clarification? Trust me, there are better things to do. Chances are your other friends don’t really care much about it either. If she wants to carry herself a certain way, WHO CARES?! That’s not arrogance, that’s confidence. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want other girls giving me a hard time just because I feel good wearing my favourite skirt. If you don’t know her, it’s better to triumph love over hate in times of uncertainty.
3. DO NOT PERPETUATE GIRL HATE. As easy and obvious as this sounds, it’s hard when you and your friends perpetuate a negative vibe. Politely call out friends who perpetuate girl hate, and have a chat with them about why it bothers you. When people perpetuate the hate, it’s just as bad when someone participates in it. Don’t let people get away with complimenting you or themselves through comparison and insulting other girls. Instead, be the girl who inspires others by turning the ‘hate’ into ‘appreciate’. Girl hate is an issue that needs everyone to step up and say something if it’s ever going to be stopped.
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Now that you got all the basics down, take a look around you! Take in the amazing assortment of beautiful, talented, intelligent and different women in your community! Whether you’re on campus, at the mall, at the park, club, restaurant, WHEREVER, celebrate what a beautiful achievement it is that we’re all in this together. There’s nothing more important than chasing your dreams with the help of millions of other seekers and strivers in a world that is always so full of chaos and delirium; love thy girlfriends, and love thyself.