Dear first-year Saumya,
You are where you are supposed to be.
That may seem baffling, impossible, and untrue, but have comfort in knowing that it is the right place. You are – as crazy as it seems – 18 years old, in university, and deserving. Keep going.
Time is strange. You’ve probably thought of that before. I mean, even scientists would agree. Revel in the fact that the inability to understand the passage of time is universal, so surrender to the process, and don’t sell yourself short. Celebrate the small wins on your way to the big ones; it never hurts to acknowledge an achievement, whether it is landing a position you have been daydreaming about or getting a meaningful compliment from a professor. Your view on the world is valid; there is always more to learn but that does not diminish your thoughts in the present, so don’t belittle them yourself. The world is unkind enough, you don’t need to add to that by being unkind to yourself. Find value in your ability to enjoy solitude – it is a quality that will serve you well and is the object of envy for many. Your people are there, it’s just a matter of time before you find your friends in a tutorial, through mutual friends at a study session, or in the dorm corridor.
Drink more water than sprite before going to bed at 5 AM. Stop worrying about the potential embarrassment of sounding stupid – it’s a story you can laugh about a year later, and laughter is the absolutely still the best feeling ever. Your balance of (borderline blind and stupid) optimism and practicality is weird, but it is also unique and exactly who you are. Let that help ease the confusion.
You will look back at the late nights with fondness. You will only laugh harder at all the things that made you laugh in the first place.You will feel closer to your friends because you’ve weathered something together and you’ll meet new people with whom you’ll feel a kinship too. You will only feel stronger in your independence and you will still miss home but with less of an ache and more of an understanding warmth. There are a million, billion things I want to add, and I will write again, but I can confidently say you’ll figure it out because that’s how it goes.
All the love in the universe, and then some.
All the luck possible ( though you do have much more than luck).
Keep going, keep laughing.
Second-year Saumya
(The older, tad bit wiser Saumya with the same tendency to laugh at anything remotely comical)