The Six Stages of the Mid-Semester Plague

1. Denial

"No, I’m not sick my throat just hurts because I’ve been talking a lot."

"It’s been really cold outside too, so every time I try walking to class my nose is all runny."

"I literally have zero time to be sick."

"If I just believe I’m healthy, I’ll be fine."

"I have an amazing immune system!"

"I’ll drink more orange juice and get some Vitamin C in me."

 

2. Self-Pity

"How did I even get sick??"

"I wash my hands all the time."

"It was probably that kid next to me in lecture, he kept coughing by me."

"I think I’m dying."

"I won't be leaving my bed anytime soon."

"And forget about finishing my homework."

"Might as well just drop out while I’m ahead."

"I wish my mom was here to make me some tea."

"I miss her."

"Being an adult sucks."

"I have a great idea, if I drop out I can just move back in with her!"

 

3. Pushing Through

"Okay, I have to get up and do something."

"Let’s start with a shower."

"I feel better already!"

"Okay, now on to the ten thousand other things I have to do."

"Let’s write this paper!" *determination*

"Having to blow my nose twelve times is very distracting."

"No, you got this."

"Time to go to class."

"Everyone is judging me for coughing so loud."

"Now all of a sudden you guys actually want to listen to this lecture?? Please."

 

4. Hating How You Sound

"Ugh I just sound so sick."

"No one can understand me when I talk because my nose is all stuffy."

"Or my voice just suddenly disappears."

"Maybe I should learn sign language."

"Better than apologizing and admitting I’m sick."

"No one likes hanging out with sick people."

"They cough and sneeze and are weak."

"I don’t even like listening to myself sing along to the radio."

"I sound like a dying cat."

"My jam sessions are ruined."

 

5. Relapse

"No! I felt so much better yesterday!!"

"This is taking too long."

"I have a healthy life to get back to."  

"Maybe the internet can help me."

"Just kidding, WebMD told me I have a rare incurable disease."

"Well, that’s great."

"It doesn’t help everyone on campus has this cold now."

"I’ll never be able to escape unless I live in a bubble."

"Or maybe I’ll avoid all human contact and start taking online classes."

 

6. Recovery

"NyQuil really does works wonders."

"That was the best sleep of my life."

"Today my plan is to sit on the couch and relax."  

"Let’s watch Netflix and drink more tea."

"I probably should have been doing this the whole time."

"I really do think I feel better now."

"Oh no, I just heard my roommate cough."

"Time to disinfect the house."

*sprays an excessive amount of Lysol*