How I Moved On

I've been saving this article until I felt like I had truly moved on from my breakup. I can finally say that I have moved on, and I feel pretty proud of myself! I had never really experienced heartbreak before. I think as far as heartbreaks go, it was probably mild, but it was painful nonetheless. I couldn’t understand why I felt so hurt. We hadn’t even been together very long. I felt like there was something wrong with me for not being able to just move on and get over it like I had with past ended relationships. 

For one, I was the one that got broken up with. It was honestly a huge blow to the ego. It was hard not to question what I did to make his feelings change. I was constantly thinking of memories we had together and wondering how he felt about me in those moments. They were such happy memories that I didn’t want to think about them differently. The way he broke things off with me was hurtful. I never would have expected he would have done something like that. It made me question if I had been fooled by him or something. These thought spirals were not good for my mental health. It was a process, but I feel like I’m in a great spot now. If you are going through a breakup or heartbreak, I know how horrible it feels. You wonder if you will ever get over it. I felt the same way, but time really does heal. Here are a couple of things that helped me move on and maybe they will help you too:

1. I stopped checking his social media

I know this is a classic one, but it’s so true. I always have a tendency to want to remain on good terms and like my ex’s Instagram posts and things like that. In this case, it was only hurting me to see his posts and his stories. After a few weeks, I decided to mute him on everything, and I think that was what really began my healing process. I was no longer feeling a sense of dread every time I opened Instagram at one of his posts popping up on my feed. I’m sure one day I will unmute him, but I need some more time for now. Some people recommend blocking your ex. I can totally see the appeal to do this, but I didn't feel the need to.

2. I spent lots of time with friends

What would I do without my friends? They were with me through the whole thing and listened to me ramble on about it. Spending time with my friends was so healing and reminded me how much I have to be grateful for. Yes, it was partially a great distraction to hang out with them all the time, but I see nothing wrong with distracting yourself from a breakup sometimes. It would have been far worse for me to wallow in my sadness day in and day out. Our plans gave me something to look forward to, which I find it a big help when I am having a hard time. 

3. I spent some time alone

This is, of course, a necessary part of healing after a breakup. Admittedly, it can be hard. Sometimes you can lose yourself a bit in a relationship and being alone can feel strange. I often felt stuck with all of my thoughts and feelings. It was easier for me to spend time with friends, but I pushed myself to be alone and find a way to enjoy my alone time. I did some of my favorite things like watching the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice while drinking wine. I also went to a lot of coffee shops and had a little shopping trip to Fort Collins. 

4. I went on a few dates

Now, I wouldn’t recommend this for everyone, but I took the opportunity of being single to go on some spontaneous dates. Nothing really came of them, but I still had fun! I decided to do this because I think it's a good reminder of how fun and freeing it can be to be a single gal in college. I guess you could look at it as a rebound, but if a rebound is what you want, I say go for it! You’re free to do whatever you want, and you don’t owe anything to your ex. I have had a couple of really great experiences out of it already. On one date, I rode on the back of his motorcycle to a hill, and we watched the sunrise and had coffee. Doesn’t that sound like a movie? However, I think it's good to be aware that these guys could end up hurting you and making you feel worse. It’s always a risk, so really make sure you’re ready for it before you dive back into the dating scene.

5. I changed my mindset

I think this is the hardest part. It is totally valid to feel angry, hurt, and betrayed by the person. But there came a time for me where I knew I needed to stop dwelling on those feelings because they weren’t serving me at all. I realized that he is just a young guy in his twenties. He always treated me well during our relationship, and even though he ended things poorly, that doesn’t make him a bad person. Sometimes good people do things that aren’t so great. It’s totally valid for him to want to be single and I never owned him in the first place. I accepted that he probably isn’t thinking about me, and that is okay. His actions and thoughts are none of my business. I’m still getting there, but I know that one day, I will be able to look back on all the great memories I made with him and only feel happiness. Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean all of the memories have to be ruined forever. I had the time of my life with him, and the fact that it’s over doesn’t change that. Finally, I recognized that it really was for the best. There were some major differences between us and we had totally different life paths. It wouldn’t have made for a good long-term situation. There’s the saying that some people are in our lives for a “reason, a season, or a lifetime.” He ended up being a season, and I'm okay with that.