I have finally arrived at my senior year of college, and it has honestly not been what I expected at all. The thing about senior year is that no one really knows how to prepare anyone for it, not even themselves. I have spent years dreaming of this time coming and now that it’s here I’m not so sure it’s really what I want. Or is it?
The start of senior year is so promising. Chances are you’re in all of the classes you actually want to take for once and all of your friends are buzzing with the same excitement. Nothing can really touch you when you know that you’re going into one of the last first days of school, right? This feeling stays around for awhile and then reality starts to set in when your family continues to ask excitedly what’s to come after school over Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner.
Now, it’s not a bad thing that they ask you all of these questions. It’s great actually because it shows that they are just as excited as you were at the start of your senior year, and it reminds you that maybe you should get back to feeling that way about it all. This starts the bittersweet-ness of senior year. On one hand you’re stressed that you’re about to be spit into the real world and have to fend for yourself while looking for a career (small task, right?) And on the other hand, you want to be happy because you’re about to start your life fresh and be what you’ve aspired to be for so long.
Another looming force during this time is the fact that one day you’re going to have to move away from all of the ones you love. It’s inevitable at this point and it’s not the best feeling. Freshman year me definitely never thought the moment would come where I would even be sad thinking about leaving Laramie, Wyoming, but boy was I wrong and naive. Every nice moment I share in this town with lovely people makes me immensely happy, but at the same time very sad at the thought that my time is about up in this area.
While that’s a pretty depressing thought to have, some of the best moments in your senior year come from these times. You have a heightened appreciation for your friends and family because when you sit back and think about it, those are the people and interactions that made you into the person you are and the ones who carried you this far in the first place. Be careful because this sentiment can lead to random crying moments you didn’t know you had in you, but it’s okay because they’re the good crying moments.
The last thing that I’ve found to really define a senior year is the lack of motivation that comes with it. Everyone talks about this idea of “senioritis,” which until recently I thought was just a hoax. I’m here to tell you that it is very much real and makes the home-stretch of school very hard to commit to. I’m even the type of student that loves going to class and learning, but honestly, the struggle is real senior year.
All of these things may seem scary or frustrating, and while they are both those things, it is such a unique experience that I wouldn’t trade for the world. And I still have the rest of this semester to feel and figure out the beautiful beast that it is.
Photo by Jamie Hampton