I’ve been watching Season 3 of Netflix’s Perfect Match recently, and there were a lot of problems…
Aside from the more harmless gripes I have with the show—such as the continued insistence on Nick Lachey as a host (seriously, who is this man???)—many aspects of the show were problematic. In short, the show’s relentless heteronormativity and the cast and production’s condoning of the male behaviour on the show is pretty wild. Also, the way that race is handled, both by Netflix and the cast members, is iffy.
Overall, I like to term the disgusting male behaviour that is prevalent in these shows ‘evilness.’ Trust me when I say some of these men are like the devil incarnate. When I use this term ‘evil’ later in the article just know it is intended as a critique of the men’s actions, mindsets, and the way that the show and the cast condone their actions. It is not an attempt to alienate men as ‘evil’ and women as good: I will also be critiquing women’s role in this perpetuation. It just so happens that there are a lot more male examples…
The problems I will be dissecting are not just unique to Perfect Match. A lot of Netflix’s dating shows depict this same acceptance of antisocial behaviour and heteronormativity, including and especially highlighting the perpetuation of women as submissive to men. Despite this, I will focus on Perfect Match in this article (otherwise, I’ll start writing a full novel). When you dive deep into these shows, it’s actually quite stomach-churning.
perfect match and interracial couples
Something that always made my eyes roll as I was watching Season 3 of Perfect Match was when a couple got to the boardroom. Essentially, in the boardroom the couple can choose other couples in the house and split them up to pair one of them with new ‘singles’ who are not currently in the house. Then, these ‘singles’ join the house and can match with someone (of course, this person must be of the opposite gender to them; there is no broadcasted option to pair with someone of the same sex). At the end of that night, two people go home (but can be brought back in as ‘singles’ next time someone visits the boardroom).
As a side note, this system actually got kind of messy in Episode 6 and 7 of Season 3, since the couple that those in the boardroom declared the most compatible had to be split up by them (thank Nick Lachey for that one). Really, they were doing A.D., the woman in that ‘most compatible couple’, a blessing, as her partner is absolutely controlling and scary (don’t worry, they’re married now…). Still, her partner, Ollie, immediately found someone else to fool around with but A.D. came back as a single the very next episode. So if Nick Lachey was trying to warn A.D. of Ollie not being as committed to their connection as her, it worked. At least for the viewers; again, she still married him, so…
Anyway, the thing that really gets me is that almost every time a couple is in the boardroom and they look at potential couples, they always pair a white man with a white woman or a Black man with a Black woman. This is despite multiple of the matched couples in the house already being interracial couples. It’s like it doesn’t even go through these people’s minds that this could happen—and then inevitably that person comes to the house, finds someone else attractive, and they form an interracial couple. Much of the cast members seem to, despite some of them being in interracial matches themselves, not be able to conceive that there might be a possibility for an interracial match to be better on paper than a same-race couple. This mindset is certainly inimical to reality.
perfect match‘ ‘s general portrayal of women of colour
Another thing I noticed while watching Perfect Match, was that even if couples were in an inter-racial couple, there tended to be a ‘replacement’ of the white men towards the girls of colour, switching them out in favour of a white girl. Shows like Perfect Match mean you need to find a match by the end of the night. Thus, with a woman of colour secured for the night, keeping him safe in the house, a man can exchange her the next chance he gets for someone whiter, and frequently does. In Season 3 of Perfect Match, for much of the time in the house there was only one Black woman on screen (A.D.). There were plenty of men of colour in couples, but very little women of colour. I am not the only one to have noticed this in dating shows: an essay by Carolyne C. Tarver dissects this perfectly. Tarver also goes further into depictions of Black women on dating shows, and how it can play into certain stereotypes. It is worth a read.
A revealing moment during Perfect Match was in Season 1 when Dom was on a date with a Black woman, Colony. Dom too is a man of colour. He continually referred to Colony as a ‘strong Black woman.’ At no other point in the show did he refer to any other woman (who were, in general, predominantly white) as a ‘strong white woman’ (or even ‘strong’). Of course, he decided not to match with Colony that night and with a white woman, Georgia, instead. This article also dissects the reactions of Black communities to these comments on their screen.
Likewise, there is a significant difference between the screen time and ‘confessionals’ of the women of colour on the show compared to the rest of the cast. Season 1 of Perfect Match has Anne-Sophie and Chase manipulating their scores in a challenge in order to win. We don’t get any confessional or analysis of Anne-Sophie’s part in this, just Chase’s. Furthermore, the women of colour, particularly the Black women, have less time in the house in general, and are usually introduced via date (to a man of colour) and then do not match with anyone and leave that night.
Ashley, a Black woman interviewed in Tarver’s article, speaks on this phenomenon: “The only reason why they [Black women] did get picked on Perfect Match was so that a male didn’t get voted off… which I think is very indicative of how we are, how we feel in real life…offering that protection…when we are faced with exile or being reprimanded… there’s no one there to necessarily protect us.”
In short, the show again reinforces what we have already seen from other studies. The one I’ve linked here investigates swiping on dating apps in heterosexual situations. To all races, Black women were the least likely to be a swipe right. Instead of Netflix using this opportunity to present Black women as desirable and to give them space to talk about dating and get their time onscreen, they reinforced disgusting male behaviour and almost eliminated women of colour from the screen entirely.
bryton constantin and dominique defoe
Bryton, featured in Season 2 of Perfect Match, raises questions like: how do people get screened to be on this show? I mean, really? This guy?
Bryton was a hard watch (he’s one of those ‘evil men’ I mentioned earlier). His first match, Dominique Defoe, has been prominent on social media in discussing what happened BTS, including his alleged negative views on LGBTQ+ people as well as being transphobic. Watching him on-screen, it’s not hard to believe these claims. With the way he treats women in general, it’s clear he is a hateful, predatory man.
Dominique herself identifies as bisexual, so being matched with him, I would argue, put her in danger. Her and many other LGBTQ+ Netflix stars are speaking out against Bryton’s behaviour.
Dominique stated: “He put me through an incredibly emotionally draining process where I had to go through the labor of combating somebody who has no self-awareness or respect for anybody else. I came here looking for love, and it was exhausting… he was basically going on about how men shouldn’t be able to cry, express their emotions, or wear clothes outside of their gender expression,” she claims. “He slammed Dom for crying during the first season.”” This quotation is taken from this article which dissects the pair’s on-screen relationship.
According to Dominique, Bryton said to her: “‘Oh, I think it’s fine that you’re bisexual because you’re a woman … and I think it’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.'” I do not even have enough space here to write down all of the problems with that statement.
Dominique discussed how she was portrayed on screen. She states that her comment about being into toxicity was about a completely different situation, and was spliced into scenes with Bryton to make it seem like she was part of the problem, when she spent time trying to de-escalate him.
Ultimately, the way that the match was depicted painted them as both being in the wrong, her for her love of toxicity and him for being a bully. Really, it seems that Bryton was a complete liability and should never have been on that show.
Sophia Layne, a lesbian who was on Netflix’s The Circle, also has multiple videos dissecting Bryton’s actions and calling for Netflix to do something about the situation.
The Erasure of queer stories
Another allegation Dominique Defoe makes against the show is her connection with another woman on the show, Britton. They were not shown as a pair on screen.
When there was a queer match on the show, it was between Francesca and Abbey in Season 1, and they were only really together for a very short time. This article highlights how the only queer couples allowed on the show are female, centring the show around the male gaze. This only adds to the heteronormativity present in Perfect Match.
‘evil men’
The cast on all seasons of Perfect Match play into certain stereotypes. Season 1 had people like Shayne from Love is Blind, who this article states as “emotionally abusive to the woman he was supposed to marry on the show. Shayne is unnerving because you cannot tell when this toothy man is joking, especially when he threatens a fellow contestant by saying he will run that guy’s dreams into the ground. I hope that is a joke.”
I have to say, Shayne certainly makes alarming TV. Frequently, his expression is unnerving (honestly, it’s kind of like he has crazy eyes). Nobody on-screen ever really calls out how strange he is, though many audience members have found him strange and written blog-style posts about it online. He is almost erratic; it is hard to know what he will do next, or how he will react to something.
When men join the house, they get a little intro. Let’s just say a lot of these intros involve phrases like “[I’m going to] lovebomb the sh*t [out of them],” which uses abusive phrasing (great!), and that their guilty pleasure was luring women away from their men to watch them suffer. Again: What? Who are these absolute villains?
As the show goes on, women get accused of being embarrassing because they dare to look at another man, let alone talk to one (Daniel (S3) was a biggg red flag for this) and exhibit other controlling behaviour.
Let’s remember this is the show that let Harry Jowsey be on it as a contestant. The language he used towards women on the show was pure objectification, particularly when he brought up sexual themes. His behaviour was disgusting, yet he was allowed to remain on the show and continue to perpetuate his rancid actions.
This article states: “I think we can all agree that Netflix needs to stop casting toxic men like Bartise, Shayne and Chase and give opportunities to new people.”
women’s role in the perpetuation of the men’s behaviour in perfect match
Every time a man did something wrong in Season 3 of Perfect Match, their partner took them back and continued to match with them. It was beyond irritating. Like I said before, A.D. and Ollie are even getting married. Obviously, if the women on the cast feel afraid to stand up to these men for the sake of their health, that’s a different issue. If not, however, their continued ‘acceptance’ of this behaviour only condones it more for the viewers and sets the standard for audience members. This is a dating show, after all, not a cut-throat competition. The winner may get a prize of a holiday, but all of these cast members are so rich now that it doesn’t even matter what the prize is. It’s not as if they’re staying in these matches to win something they never would have got before.
In conclusion…
Obviously, this cast makes great TV, making everyone want to watch and dissect the show online. This leads to the general questions on the tip of my tongue watching and reading about the show: why is Netflix prioritising audience reactions over the health and wellbeing of their cast members? What is so compelling about heteronormativity? Why are we watching women get done wrong by men, and then take them back repeatedly? Why are there zero consequences?
If you choose to watch Perfect Match, keep an eye out for all of these issues. I promise it will shock you. If you want my thoughts on other reality shows, here’s what I had to say about Love is Blind…