Edited by Avleen Grewal
The transition from high school to university can be extremely challenging. It certainly was for me. It’s been three weeks in to university and I’ve already realized the many things I’ve taken for granted in high school. Seeing my parents every day and having them right by my side when I needed them. Home cooked meals. And most of all, having many close friends that I could share all my secrets with. The word “lonely” was so foreign to me and never in a million years did I think that I’d have to experience it one day.
I remember the months leading up to university. I was so excited. I even had a count-down timer to the day I would move into residence. I expected that I’d immediately make many close friends by the second week of school. However, as the days went by in orientation week and the third week of classes finished, I had no luck. My closest friends were still the ones from high school but now we were all scattered across Canada. I’ve never had trouble making friends in the past. Friendships would develop naturally, and quickly in high school. But in university, it feels like I’ve talked to a countless number of people, but a friendship never grew out of it. I’ve never had another chance to talk to some of the people I’ve met in orientation – at most, we acknowledge each other in passing. I’ve also connected really well with a few commuter students during orientation week, but I’ve never seen them since then. Making close friends in university seems ten times harder than in high school and I’m not sure why. Is it because of how big UofT is? Or is it because we don’t see the people we meet in classes every day? I’ve talked to many first-year students from UofT about this and most of them feel the same way. Even though most people won’t show that they’re lonely, by surrounding themselves with a lot of people and going to a bunch of parties, we’re all on the same boat. We often feel the loneliest when we’re part of a large crowd and it’s something that I’ve had to come to terms with recently.
The biggest reason for why I’m having trouble finding the right friends is because I want a true life-long friendship rather than a superficial, fake, and temporary one. We often put ourselves in fake friendships just to hide our loneliness. However, you can definitely tell if you’re in a fake or true friendship. A true friendship is where you can tell each other anything- free of judgment. You can talk about anything and everything. There’s never an awkward silence and you both can feel comfortable in silence. You can laugh about the most stupid things, but also have the deepest conversations. You have an unbreakable connection and the friendship is life-long. I guess this type of friendship is rare thus making my search for true friends much more difficult.
Finding a true friend in university can be so much harder when you’re shy and an introvert like me. I’d rather be in my dorm reading a good book or watching Friends than partying until 2am. I also find it exhausting to hang out with a group of people for a long period of time. However, although I love spending my time alone, I’ve also realized that I actually need to get out of my dorm to meet people if I want to find my true friends.
So, I’ve compiled a list of seven ways that you can meet new people in search for the type of friend you’re looking for:
- Talk to as many different people as possible: You often won’t expect becoming friends with someone that seems to be the opposite of you. As the saying goes “opposites attract” in relationships, I believe this is also true for friendships. My best high school friend was an extrovert and a dare devil – completely the opposite of me. Obviously we still had many things in common, however our personalities were different and we balanced each other out. You never know if there’s a connection between you and another person until you meet them, so meet as many different people as possible and don’t base who you talk to off of stereotypes or what you’re used to.
- Go to social events: I know, this may sound daunting to some of you (including me) but social events are one of the best ways that you can meet new people. I mean, the purpose of social events are to connect with people you’ve never met before. And this doesn’t have to be a party (you probably won’t make many good friends when everyone’s drunk). Your college may host sober gatherings in the common room or have game nights. Or go to your college’s semi-formal if you have one. There are so many activities around campus and within your college where you can interact with others, so take advantage of them!
- Add people on social media to keep in touch with them: You know how sometimes you meet people that you connect really well with, but you feel as if you’ll see them again? Ask for their Instagram or phone number and keep in touch with them. If you two have something in common hobby, such as exploring different cafes, ask them if they want to go to a café with you! Most people in university are also experiencing the same thing as you and everyone wants a friend so there’s no harm in asking someone to hang out with you.
- Sit with people you’ve never talked to at lunch (especially sit with people who are alone): This may be one of the scariest things to do on my list and although I’ve done this quite a few times, I still haven’t overcome this fear. I’m pretty sure a lot of people don’t enjoy sitting alone in the dining hall (unless if they’re studying – then you don’t want to bother them). Last week, I had to sit in the dining hall alone for lunch because all my friends had class at the time. It was nerve-wrecking to sit alone, especially when it seemed that everyone else in the dining hall had friends to sit with. But then, a girl I never met before came to sit with me and you don’t know how thankful I was that she did that. The small action of just sitting with someone who’s alone can change the mood of their day and I am one hundred percent sure that they will appreciate it just as much as I did!
- Talk to the person sitting beside you in class: The classes at UofT are huge and you probably won’t sit at the same spot each time with the same people. Take advantage of this and talk to whoever it is beside you during the break or before class. Talking to others during class is much easier than talking to someone in the dining hall because you can just start the conversation off by asking them questions about the readings or assignments. Once in my Introduction to Environmental Studies class, I was really struggling with the readings. I asked the girl sitting beside me how she was doing with the readings and it turned out that she had the same troubles as well! From there, we had a great conversation about our futures and what we were planning to pursue. You’ll never know how well you can get along with another person until you talk to them. Maybe even plan on arriving to class a little bit earlier so you have time to meet the people who are also waiting for class outside.
- Join tons of clubs: There’s not much to say about this one but joining clubs is the perfect way for finding people that have the same interests as you! It’s also a great way to meet people outside of your college.
- Get off your phone and take your ear buds out!: One common thing that I’ve seen at UofT is that the students always have their ear buds in. When I scout out people that I can talk to, I always avoid those who’ve got their ear buds in and are looking at their phone. Why? Because it feels as if I’m intruding whatever they’re doing. Having your ear buds in and being glued to your phone isn’t exactly inviting others to talk to you. So be aware of how you appear to others because you don’t want to give off the “do not disturb me” vibe…unless you actually don’t want to be disturbed by others- then that’s fine too!
My last piece of advice is to not worry if you haven’t found the right friends yet. Don’t rush the process because it’s only when you rush it and are desperate to find friends that you make the wrong ones. Don’t settle for less than what you want in a friend. Be patient and let friendships develop naturally – just don’t hide in your dorm 24/7 or else your chances of meeting new people will be slim. But most of all, don’t depend your happiness on how many friends you have or who your friends are because friendships are always changing. In high school, I had many friends but in university I suddenly had very few. Focus on something that is meaningful to you and will bring you satisfaction regardless of your circumstance and before you know it, the friends you’ve been looking for will come when you least expect it!