“I am woman, hear me moan”
I’m not going to lie to you. Sex is a huge part of my life, and I fucking love it. I love having it and talking about it and writing about it.
Sex and I have been going strong for the past 4 years now. We’ve had our ups and downs, our honeymoon phases and dry spells. I’ve learned, like I’m sure most college girls eventually do, that sex can be amazing, confusing, awkward, empowering, and just plain shitty. So I figured it was time to share my sexual exploits with the world. Because why the hell not?
It’s about damn time we began an honest dialogue about sex. I mean, we all talk about it with our friends anyway right? Who among us hasn’t woken up on a Sunday, recalled through a hungover haze the night before, and thought, “Shit, I need to tell my friends about this. I wonder if they’re down for Greek Lady…”
But before we dive right in, I think it’s only fair of me to let you know exactly where I am coming from. I was half a virgin in high school. I became a pro at faking an orgasm with my first college boyfriend. I mastered the walk of shame sophomore year when I delved into the surprisingly unsatisfying world of one-night stands. I succeeded in creating a roster for a brief three-month period during which I was more impressed with myself than any of the guys in rotation. Then, for the longest 11 months of my life, I was celibate. Now I am finally having consistent and regular sex, which also happens to be mind-blowing, different level, amazing. And that is a brief overview of my entire sexual history.
I realize that it was probably more information than any of you needed, but I want to be upfront when it comes to myself and sex. Clearly, I’ve had my fair share of sex. I’ve had strings of one night stands, just-finish-so-this-can-be-over sex, fan-fucking-tastic sex, boyfriends, nameless strangers…the list goes on. But I’ve also had my dry spells. The point is: I might not be an authority on all things sexual, but I am a try-sexual in that if you can name it I’ve probably tried it.
My sexual exploits have left me with some mortifying yet legendary stories that deserve to be shared. My proclivity towards sexual experimentation has left me with a wide range of knowledge. My fondness for talking endlessly about sex with my closest friends over drunk brunch has left me with a heap of information that—trust me—you want to know.
Like I said before, I’m not going to lie to you here. Sex is a huge part of my life and I’m going to lay it all out on the table for you to examine and laugh at and (hopefully) learn from. That’s what this column is all about, when it comes down to it. So if you love sex as much as I do, or love talking about it half as much as I do, then stay tuned because that’s what “Sunday Morning Sessions” are all about.