Good morning, ladies. I’m back with Sunday Morning Sessions, so strap in (if you’re into that kind of thing), and get ready to talk sex.
“Catching Feelings”
I don’t really know how to put this gently: Catching feelings sucks more balls than I do. At least I sometimes think that it does. The worst part about catching feelings is the fear that comes hand-in-hand with it—namely, the fear that you might be the only one infected.
Personally, I try to approach sex like a stereotypical college student. I keep it casual and fun, and if I’m not enjoying it, I run. But what happens when you enjoy it? Like really enjoy it. Like multiple orgasm, countdown until we can go again, enjoy it. I realize that such a phenomenon is rare in the college sphere, especially at Penn. Indeed, from my extensive field research I have gathered that the guys at Penn who (1) last longer than 2 minutes, (2) can locate the clitoris, and (3) understand the concept of foreplay, are few and far between. But the scarcity of mind-blowing sex is exactly what makes it so valuable.
You see, I look at it this way: Mind-blowing sex is a symptom of something more. Great sex can’t happen without chemistry. In the college scenario, it’s often sexual chemistry. Take that sexual chemistry and build on it…emotions inevitably develop.
I’d like to propose my own situation as a case study. Last semester found my nympho soul mate. We had sex the first night we met, and right away it was great. Obviously, we continued to take regular trips to pound town after that, because who doesn’t want a guaranteed orgasm on a regular basis? Clearly we had sexual chemistry from the get-go. And as we continued seeing each other things progressed. Before long I realized that I genuinely liked spending time with my bang buddy. He was smart and interesting and fun to dick around with both inside and outside the bedroom. That’s when the dread set in. I had made the rookie mistake of becoming emotionally invested.
Or so I thought. The truth is, catching feelings isn’t a mistake at all. It’s what’s supposed to happen. Even the most seasoned sex pro cannot avoid developing some level of attachment when there’s chemistry. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Why would you be sleeping with someone you didn’t like over and over again? Exactly—you wouldn’t.
On to the more important question: What do you do once you’ve caught feelings? If we’re being totally honest you have two options. One option is to shove them way deep down inside and smother them. The far better option is to take ownership of them. Cowboy up and accept that this is a good thing. You found someone you like! This in and of itself is a small miracle if you generally dislike people as much as I do. More importantly though, accepting and embracing your emotions makes the sex that much better! Non-emotional sex, while visceral and animalistic and hot, has the tendency to leave most feeling a little bit empty inside. Emotional sex combines the most amazing physical feeling there is with the surprisingly powerful passion that comes with catching feelings.
The scariest part is what comes next. So you caught feelings. You admitted to yourself that you caught feelings. But what if you’re the only one infected? It feels pretty damn terrible to wonder whether you like a guy more than he likes you. Feelings foster vulnerability. Vulnerability is fun for no one. It’s easy to get hung up on fear, to deny catching feelings, to keep quiet and hope they go away. Fear of rejection can be paralyzing, but it’s important to remember that sex is a two-way street. Chances are that if you felt chemistry he did too, and guys are just as susceptible to feelings and attachment as women are.
Despite that, our culture can often make us feel as if—because we are women—we must be crazy or emotional or clingy if we cannot separate sex from emotions. But I call bullshit. Catching feelings is not a travesty. You are not weak or silly because good sex turned into something more. So rather than stifle your emotions, welcome them. Catching feelings might be exhausting, but it’s pretty thrilling too.