Editors Note: This article contains discussions about body image and weight that may be sensitive for some readers.
As any young teenage girl, I hated my body growing up. From a young age, I always received comments about how tiny I was. I mean, I was a small person growing up in every aspect. My shoe size is small; I weighed 100 pounds until the age of fourteen and am still barely 5’2. Whenever I developed natural body fat, I would have a crisis because I was so used to being a small person. It was around the age of fifteen that I began to have unhealthy eating habits just so my body would stop changing. I was obsessed with having a tiny waist, but as a 5’2 girl, my waist couldn’t be small compared to taller girls because of how close my ribcage and hip bones were, and at 15 I didn’t understand that. These unhealthy eating habits and comparisons to others continued until the end of high school.
It wasn’t until the age of 18 that I began to understand that certain parts of my body couldn’t change, and that’s okay. I started going to my university gym as something to do. At the same time, gym culture was very present around me. I had lots of friends from my hometown that had been going to the gym for a couple of months now and raved about it, so I decided to start giving it a try. The more I did it, the more I liked it and got more serious about it. I built myself routines to follow, and it gave me structure to my days. It gave me something to do other than just go to school. I started going to the gym with the intention of losing weight and being toned, but I have now become interested in having strong muscles and doing unassisted pull-ups.
I think going to the gym actually made me care more about my health than my appearance. Food is now fuel instead of something that was just going to make me feel fat. Since I am being physically active, I am now hungrier and need proper meals, not just salad and a bagel with butter. My meals are now healthier, containing different food groups and proper nutrients. Although I may be eating more food, I feel healthier than I have before because I’m putting effort into filling my body instead of fasting.
Ever since making these lifestyle changes, I have felt better than I have before, and I enjoy working out and getting a good sweat. I know it is scientifically proven that when you work out, you release endorphins, and that is what makes you happy. I think another part of the improvement, not only in my physical health but also in my mental health, is that I feel proud of actually caring for my body and not trying to care what others think of it.
Of course, I am still a girl and a human and have moments when I feel more self-conscious, and yes, I still wish I looked like a supermodel, but I also still love the way I look and how hard I try to make sure I stay healthy and not fall back into a cycle of undereating.
For those who want to make the change and start focusing on their own body and not the body society wants us to have, I would suggest starting in baby steps; you don’t need to change your whole diet and lifestyle overnight. Find out what type of exercise you like, find ways to make healthier meals with the budget that you have, and still treat yourself because life’s too short not to.